205. I've been with you for 8 years and it is no surprise that our lovey- dovey ways have sprouted several propositions from you that I have always accepted. Thrice occurred during our college days, both in chapels with one of them on your knees and the other one at an inconvenient time before my birthday on a jeep, riding through a market where you gave me our promise ring. You were very serious about having a future with me and it was apparent to me that you weren't going to give the chance to any other man, securing your place in my life. Still, I knew there was fear in you every time you said those words to me. Fear of the unknown, fear of being a provider, fear of being a father, insecurity and the ultimate fear of rejection. However this was natural but I didn't want your hesitancy to plague our relationship. What was the point of your proposals if you cannot follow through on those promises? I gave you an ultimatum that you had to marry me by age 29, with or without the security of material things, else I find another man to do it, I was serious. All this waiting was driving me crazy and I didn't want to have a child at the high risk age of 30 and furthermore, I didn't want money to be one of your reasons for holding back on me. Three more years. And that would mean we've been together for 11 years. 11 years is long enough if you ask me. You had to, if you loved me enough and had enough faith in us. You promised me you would ask for my hand from my parents. I know I pressured you but sometimes a little push is needed to get to where you want. Three days ago, as we were lying in bed together, you proposed to me again. "Marry me," you said, "Two scenarios. We go to Canada next year, marry there legally, have a church wedding here in the Philippines. Or second, we marry next year, since we both have stable jobs here, then reapply to Canada under our new status." I giggled at the thought. We're you actually serious this time around? You had to marry me was very different from you will marry me. I told you no matter what that I will marry you no matter how many times you ask me. No matter the circumstances. My heart skipped a beat. I loved you and you loved me. Maybe in the coming year things will be actually different. I look forward to your next proposal. Maybe you'll just surprise me.
