The First and the Second

208. I know and you know that we have made love countless times over the years. As a woman, however, I take a longer time to get there and it is frustrating at times when you get to finish and I'm still on the uphill climb. I don't really blame you. I actually think that it was my problem. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy making love. I enjoy it far too much. You are a bad influence. I am happy to say that I consider 'the first' and 'the second' to be one of the best experiences that have happened to me this year. And I admit you are getting to be quite orally talented. The first last January was a complete knockout surprise. The second was a delicious deliberate undertaking involving belts(a memorable Valentine's). Afterwards, I remember distinctly how I felt so darn shy around you. I thought long and hard why this was so. Then I realized that it was perhaps I wasn't used to being pleasured by someone other than myself in all of this time we were together. When you finally took the time and when I finally relaxed and just accepted that it was happening I think it was easier. I am still shy around you when it happens though. My heart flutters so much and I think I've tasted a little bit of heaven. I think your ego just rose by 10 points every time it happened though. Maybe there's room for a little more leveling up in the bedroom and I think 'the second' will be burned in our minds for quite a long time. Can't wait for the 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th................................  

Changes

207. Admit it. Things are going much faster for me than it is for you as of the moment. Professionally I have suddenly been promoted into a unit manager position where I am part of a team managing professionals in health care. I suddenly have status. I suddenly have money. I suddenly have a surge of pride. I am able to provide. Lots of things in my life are suddenly on track this year while on the other hand your have has reached a plateau professionally. Funny how things change. Four years ago I was nothing- jobless and depressed all of the time. I remember crying my eyes out on the beach in Boracay and I prayed with all of my might, with all of my heart, with all of my being that God would have a place for me in this world. That He knew what was best for me, more than any human ever could. I knew it was wrong of me, but at this time when your career was soaring and I was at my lowest I admit it-- that I was frankly jealous of you. In our relationship, it's not all about love. We both have a tendency to compete with each other at times. And although that is healthy, when it becomes jealousy it is very bad for us. At my lowest point, you were both like the sun and the darkness to me. You were my life and source of everything and yet you were the constant, nagging reminder that I was way off my destined path. It hurt me more than I can say yet you could not help it. I took a deep breath and bore it and prayed a lot. Time passed. And things started to look up. Funny how things work themselves out. And yet at this point in my life where I have finally found stability professionally I know and feel that God has even greater plans for me. I remember the song 'Temporary home" by Carrie Underwood and I know that in a few years I will be leaving here. After I have learned all that I was meant to learn, I will be leaving with you when you finally ask me to marry you. I will take your hand and leave everything, you can count on that. We will be leaving for greater things. We will be leaving for love, for family and a real chance to make a difference in the world. If you ask me if I will hesitate when the time comes, I will honestly reply yes... but that won't stop me from running away with you. That's how much you mean to me. I love you. And you will forever will be my sun and my darkness. You will always be a risk I will be willing to take. Thank you for letting me see that.