Ghost Tales

15. We both believe in ghosts and the supernatural. Hey, if faith allows God and angels to exist, why not the rest? I haven't actually seen a ghost before, but there were several times in my life that the paranormal has made its presence felt. You, on the other hand, have been scared shitless several times by apparitions. In this blog, I will only mention two instances. The first was unforgettable and it was the one that happened near the chemistry laboratories. It was around 6pm, quite dark already as our afternoon bonding sessions came to an end. I felt like peeing but as soon as I started to use the toilet, I heard your worried voice calling me to come out quickly. After a quick moment I went out and you grabbed my hand dragged me briskly away. When I asked what was wrong, you were quite pale as you told me that there was ghost, that looked like a professor, floating close to the ceiling near the lab, staring horridly directly at you. The hairs on the back of my head stood as you related that to me. I believed you. We never stayed that late there ever again. The second event occurred at my house after you and several of our friends came over to complete a project. As you were going down the outdoor stairs, you saw a white lady, outside of my gate, long hair and all, mysteriously holding a cellphone of all things. (You guessed she was too attached to her phone in real life). Unfortunately, like the other ghost, she was looking menacingly at you. You were so freaked out. Then she disappeared. And you know what, though I know that this is not funny in any way, I would like to tell you that if ever I die, my love for you will live forever. And that means I will probably haunt you, though I'll try my best not to look so frightening. I'll be your personal ghost writing on bathroom walls and whispering love words to you all the time. Yes, darling, laugh. Life is made of these moments- the odd, funny, mysterious and creepy. I'm just so glad we can experience it together. 

Waiting On You

14. One of the most annoying things a man can do to a woman is make her wait. No, not minutes, hours. Most women are fashionably late to dates, usually 15 minutes, I on the other hand, am usually right on the dot. Early even. You, however, are chronically late. I take the care to gussy up and to look absolutely pretty for you, so that I can make a breathtaking entrance yet you're not there at our meeting place. On several occasions, you also made me wait around two hours while you played computer games with your male friends. Do you know how frustrating it is for a girl to wait alone? I don't get it, I thought, you say you love me yet you're not taking me seriously and keep forgetting me. We have fought about this many many times in the past, don't you dare deny it and don't you dare say you're so damn innocent. Because you're not. In one Japanese anime that I have watched, a girl was also waiting on a guy. While she was doing so, another guy approached her, "Are you sure he's coming?" And she shook her head. To this he said, "Then why are you staying here?" With tears in her eyes she replied, "To gather my rage." And that was exactly how I felt. There are times wherein I get outwardly angry at you. And there are times wherein I grit my teeth, silent till patience prevails and I forgive and forget. And there are times wherein I get even and I try to make you wait as well, to test your patience. And I am deeply sorry for that. It was an immature reaction. And though now, I time your arrivals now by texting you, so I wait less or let you arrive a bit earlier than me. I have to tell you, don't make me wait longer than I have to. I may not be here the next time, I don't just need you to tell me you love me, I need you to be there at the time you say you'll be there. It's not just a matter of security. It's a matter of respect and about giving your best to the object of your love. 

Our Song

13. For some inexplicable reason, most couples, at some point or another, have a theme song that reminds them of their relationship. One song that evokes a multitude of memories, and induces smiles when they hear it playing, especially at unexpected times. Given the large number of love songs on the airwaves nowadays, past and present, couples have lots to choices from the cheesy to the romantic to the heartbreaking.  One time, at our house, I asked you what our theme song was. And it was if you read my mind. The song was called ‘how did you know’ by Gary Valenciano. And it epitomized the day we first met. How my life has forever since intermingled with yours because of  love. Here are the lyrics which I even translated to Tagalog one time as well as play on my piano: I remember so well, the day that you came  into my life. You asked for my name, you had the most beautiful smile. My life started to change, I'd wake up each day feeling alright. With you, right by my side, makes me feel things will work out just fine. How did you know? I needed someone like you in my life. That there was an empty space in my heart. You came at the right time in my life. I'll never forget, how you brought the sun to shine in my life. And took all the worries and fears that I had. I guess what I'm really trying to say, it's not everyday that someone like you comes my way. No words can express how much I love you... I played and sang this song for our class once. And I remember how our female classmates cheered when I sang the I love you part, I looked in your eyes directly. This song made my heart sing with so much joy. I will always love and remember it.

My First Present

13. For my seventeenth birthday, I had a party. We don't usually have parties at my house at birthdays because they can be quite costly. They are usually just a simple family gathering with lots of food. For this affair, I invited some of my closest friends from both high school and college. My parents even paid for a lechon(roasted pig) to be made. There was chocolate cake, one I helped bake with my grandmother among other delicious foods. At that party I was so very happy, though I spent my time mingling from group to group and making sure everyone was alright. Everyone I loved was in the room as my birthday song was sung and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. The moment I blew my birthday candles, I wished for nothing more than for us to work out.I prayed for us that as we grew older we'd love each other more. And that we would be together forever. After a few drinks, we all went to attend a concert by Hale and Bevs held at the University Coliseum. As we were walking together side by side at the dim parking lot you sneakily took my hand and fastened an exquisite bracelet on my wrist, one with colorful swarovski crystals. You kissed me and said happy birthday. I was stunned and flattered. My heart melted once more. I had not expected a gift from you because I told you that your presence was more than enough. It was expensive; you have been secretly saving your allowance for quite a while, haven't you? And you told me that you picked it out because the colors reminded you of me and my qualities, and you chose crystals because I was very precious to you. I cherish it, not only because it's your first gift to me, but because it's the first time someone ever put so much effort into a gift. It was my first time ever accepting a gift from a boy as well. It was indeed a memorable night. With the sensation that my heart is being squeezed, I couldn't be more happier.     

Boating, Shells and Family

12. The first time I ever met your family, from what I could remember was when you invited me to go boating to bless some fishing grounds. Among several business ventures, your family was involved in fishing. I could not refuse the opportunity to bond with your family, and it was only polite that I do so since we’ve been dating for quite a few weeks. You were the eldest among four boys, and I was amazed at how your mother raised all of you.  I had the impression of a superwoman, actually, she could do everything and more for her family and still manage her business.  She is a great cook, and would always go out of her way to make you feel at home, plus she was very cheerful and talkative. Much like you. Your father is the opposite of your mother, he is more strict, reserved, and according to you, more temperamental.  Your brothers even joked how they liked having me around because your father can’t  scold them in front of me. Your brothers, all different, were happy to meet me. Since they never had a sister before, they initially didn’t know how to act in my presence. Was I the first girlfriend you brought home? As they warmed up to me though, I found them all down to earth, bright and very interesting.  I also met some of the extended members of your family, your uncles, aunts, cousins and grandmother.  As you can imagine, having so many members of your family at one time, made me quite nervous but I was impressed at how close you all were. You truly liked each other’s company, and it felt a bit like a celebration every time you were together.  We went boating on a pump boat, and it was the first time I’ve ever been on one and I was so excited. I wasn’t very clear on the concept of blessing a fishing ground though. I thought a priest would be involved. Basically we just drove around the vast fishing grounds and threw coins in the water and said little prayers.  Then, after, you showed me a special area where the water was shallow, up to my waist. We went down the boat, and I was shocked when my feet touched the sea floor, which wasn’t a floor at all, it was a soft, though squishy and slimy, bed of green shells.  We pulled some of them up and threw them in the boat. Some of the men said they would make great soup. We laughed as our feet got stuck in the bed, like quicksand, didn’t even care when our feet got little nicks. Your family then took me to another special area, a little sandbar and we had a blast chasing each other around, gathering shells and poking at little crabs, splashing each other with water. You even carried me around at some point. And it was safe to say that your family has indeed approved of our relationship. And I was more relieved than you could imagine.  

The Declaration

11. We started our relationship on the landmark of our first kiss. July 28, 2005. It was on a beautiful November though that we revealed our relationship to our friends. Although it was an impulsive moment I must say, I couldn't tell a lie. As we sat side by side in the front row of a particular class, I was called by the professor to answer a question- What is your most unforgettable memory? It wasn't the most perfect of all timings but I couldn't hold back our secret anymore. I told the story of our first kiss. The initial reaction of our classmates was undeniable shock and surprise. Since when? I can't believe it! No way! All this time! I thought you were only friends! Oh my God. I had a feeling! You two suit each other! Grabe! How can we not notice this?! For months! Can't believe this! As the chatter started to die down, I could only laugh and smile at them. You looked sheepish beside me. Even after class, many still asked questions repeatedly. We were both visibly embarrassed but at the same time relieved that we didn't have to hide anymore. The truth will always set us free, as they say. And it did. And it was at that declaration that we started our public relationship for real. We could hold our hands, unmindful of what the rest of the world would say. 

The Sunset Memory

 11. One of my best loved memories of you was at our Acquaintance Party in our first year at college. The venue was at this popular resort. This memory resembles a romance movie, two protagonists' blossoming love. It's so very corny and cheesy that I just can't resist mentioning it here. I searched for you in the crowd. Our eyes met as a romantic ballad just started in the background, from the band. We came toward each other, smiling, as time seemed to go ever so slowly. You took my hand and led me to the far side of the resort. beside a man-made cliff overlooking the magnificent ocean. The sun was just starting to set and everything took on a golden hue. As we sat by the edge, we talked about anything and everything. And laughed a lot. And though dangerous, you swung me jokingly at the edge  of the cliff, all the while laughing while I was screaming in both fear and delight. There are times wherein being with you always seemed like a high, with this being one of them. When I start thinking that things couldn't get possibly better, you prove me wrong and take me higher than what I could ever imagine or feel. I guess corny and cheesy  suits me fine, as long as I'm with you that is.  

Jealousy

10. I would have to say one of the most common problems we're facing until now is jealousy. That little insane green-eyed monster pokes its head every now and then and causes so much trouble for us. Both on your part and mine. You were jealous of a number of my male friends, especially when we got along so well. You got jealous when some guys, even taken ones and who knew only too well that I was already taken, gave declarations of love... ones that I had to refuse. You jokingly call them my victims, and then you seethe in jealousy. I get jealous when you talk about about your exes, when your exes act sweet on you and when you look at other women. They say a little bit of jealousy is normal, even healthy, in a relationship. It even keeps relationships interesting, in my opinion. Thinking about it, jealousy is brought on from the possessiveness, the sense of owning, loving, the need to control one's partner. Therefore, too much of it, the stress it induces, can destroy or ruin any relationship. There are two things we need to keep on doing if we want to survive this relationship. One, we need to communicate. And two, we should learn how to let it go and forgive. I remember how in the beginning, that nothing and no one interfered with us. It kept our love pure, in some way, did it not? Yet when jealousy came, sparks flew in all the wrong places. I remember how you walked out on me several times in the past. We both got hurt so much.  I don't want that anymore than I want to lose you because I love you. Above other men, you are mine. And you should know that I belong only to you.

Past Girlfriends

10. As much as I would like to say that from the start I was secure with you, I was not. How can I when you had six other ex-girlfriends. How do I know that you won't tire of me? How do I know that you're not using me for your own despicable purposes? Really, I've never had my heart broken before, I would hate to experience that for real. When I asked about them, you were very hesitant in telling me since you knew full well how I would react... with seething irrational jealousy. You started having girlfriends when you were just in the 6th grade. Of those six, two have broken your heart severely. You've experienced some of your firsts with them. And I get angry just thinking about it. When you talked about them, special in their own way, how you loved them all differently. How far you went with each one. Seeing me upset, you would put me up on a pedestal, telling me how I am the best of all of them and that how you loved me to the point that you'd never break up with me. But I prodded you to tell me more about them, more specifically the one that touched your heart. It was no surprise that you chose your ex-girlfriend that was also your best friend. She was intelligent, beautiful, well-versed, just a tad bit weird with her fascination for a little black magic yet magnetic. You loved her. And she left you for some other guy. I was angry at her because she just didn't see how wonderful you were. You simply said that it was that it was good she didn't or else we wouldn't have fallen for each other like we did. I guess you were right. If even just one of those girls, held onto you, fought for you, you wouldn't be mine in the first place.What matters now is not the past, it's the present and how we are going to make our future together. The past is the past. And I have to say, what's their loss is my gain. Patay na lang sila sa inggit. 

Secrets

9. Hiding our relationship those first few months from the rest of the world was hard. A delicate dance. Frankly, I don't know why we did. Were we ashamed? What exactly were we afraid of? Their rejection? Does that even matter? It felt like we were always walking a tightrope without a safety net. We were together but not together. I swear, there were times were in I felt that I was imagining our relationship. We would act so sweet when out of ear shot of others. Then totally ignoring each other next. Stealing kisses behind the library and laboratory when no one was looking. Then suddenly I was with my friends, you were with yours and we acted a bit... shall I say, plastic to each other? And I was hurt when you refused to hold my hand in public. And yet, I must say, there were times wherein I found all of it very exciting. Our very own secret, can you imagine. It was our first secret. People could only guess since the light you evoked from me was far too bright to go unnoticed. You see, I'm not a very good liar. It all shows up on my face. You indeed added color to my life, there was no doubt about that. Thus, drama is never too far behind. Now, let me tell you a secret- I love it when you act aggressive. Shh.  

Take You Home

8. Taking a boyfriend or girlfriend home is usually a challenging time... akin to letting a goldfish free in a shark- infested ocean. Both parties are worried about everything, especially making proper first impressions to each others parents. The families would be so critical of this 'newcomer' who is a potential 'future' member of the family. The opposite of this is what happened the first time I took you home. It was to meet my family, quite unintentional. And it was never to introduce you as my boyfriend. I was sick because I had an allergy attack and our teacher sent me home. When she asked which of our classmates would accompany me I automatically said your name. Take note that our relationship was a carefully-kept secret at this time and only the two of us knew the real truth.Gently, you helped me into a tricycle and held me close until we arrived at my house, which was just a few minutes away from our school. You must have been so worried for me and at the same time quite nervous about coming to my home. I also imagined that you were undeniably curious about my family and perhaps strangely liked being in a position that made you look good to them. I introduced you as a very good friend that has kindly helped me get home. You even helped cover me up with blankets, gave me a tepid sponge bath and stayed close by my side as I slept. If that didn't win my family that first time, or my mother and grandparents at least, I don't know what will. After five months, when I finally found the courage to confess to my mother about our relationship, I was surprised that she already knew. We were so obvious, she said, and gave her approval. You cannot believe how relieved I was! I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. I guess taking you home wasn't such a big deal after all. You're already at home in my heart. It's only a matter of time before you're in my family's and I in yours, making a permanent yet beautiful dent in each other's lives.

The First Kiss

7. In all my years, I had never imagined my first kiss to be so disappointing... Stolen no less! I had been saving my first kiss for a special moment with a special someone, sparks flying on all sides, backdropped with a magnificent sunset. One magical moment. Never more. And you're to blame. How dare you come into my life? I lost something precious that afternoon. That afternoon where I tutored you for a certain subject because you said you needed help in. And you suddenly, simply, bent your head and kissed me on the lips. Never mind that it was just a smack! You sat there opposite to me with a self- satisfied grin on your face and I hit you with the textbook a good number of times. I didn't know what to think, my thought patterns were in shreds, shocked by what just happened. You asked me if I was alright. I said yes. You asked me if I liked it. And to be honest, I said yes. And that's how our relationship began. Looking back on in now, I would have to say that it was way too reckless. Our 'relationship' began in such a way that there was actually no courtship involved. We hardly knew each other didn't we? Sparks flew but it was never coupled with sanity. And I didn't know how to say no to you.  Heck, I didn't know how to let people down. I even asked you if it's really true that we're together as a couple. And you said yes. We should have taken things much more slower. Yet here I am... five years later and still in love with you. I guess again, that luck had a hand in this one. You've been a wonderful partner. You have all the time in the world to court me now. And I have all the time to decide. It's like trying to choose but the only answer is yes. If you'd ask me again. It's still going to be my answer. Yes.

Attraction

6. I think the most attractive physical features in a man are his eyes and hands. You have eyes so deep I could swear that they are looking into my soul. Honest eyes. Eyes that have nothing to hide. Or make hiding anything impossible. Hands, so perfectly made they fit mine perfectly. How is that even possible? To have hands, exactly like mine, only bigger... and to have them fit in the crevices of my hand exactly. You're my first, and I'm obviously not an expert on relationships. But, aren't I lucky to have hit a home run with just one swing? The very sight of you takes my breath away, and my heart beats faster and faster as you tell me I'm beautiful. The very first time you looked at me I felt a spark. The very first time you took my hand in yours, electricity flew up my arm and I felt that my heart could burst with happiness. What's best of all? Is that you feel it too. People say that in relationships, physical attraction must be present or it won't work out in the long run. But I am in love with all of you, not just physically. Your mind, body and heart. God made you what you are and I accept you, and all of your flaws. As the years go by and the passion dies down, I'm certain that you will still by my side because you're not only a lover, you're a friend as well. A very good friend. Attraction and chemistry in friendship is a funny thing... because I know it's the kind that lasts till we're old and gray. I am honored that you could share your life with me and be a witness to mine.  

Sweet Nothings

5. What is it about chocolates on valentines that make hearts melt upon receiving them? I believe it's more than just the thought that counts. More than the effort. More then the endorphins and stimulants released in our physical bodies upon eating this sweet treat. It is a gesture of love. Of friendship. Of remembering. A day before valentines, we ate so much chocolate that made our stomachs ache. And today, valentines, friends shared with me some chocolates and lollipops that they had received. I remember fondly the first time you ever gave me chocolate. It was at our library and you silently grabbed my hand from under the table and placed a Demolino chocolate bar on it. It was the first time a boy had given me chocolate actually. It wasn't even valentines! And I melted as sure as icecream melts under the sun. It was far from a grand gesture. Yet I never looked at another Demolino bar the same way again after that. Little things count. Little sweet nothings count. They bring smiles and laughter on ordinary days. And warmth to hearts that ache to be remembered. A simple way of saying, I love you to someone who loves you in return.

I'm Awake

4. Even from before I met you, I already had a guy in my mind. My dream guy whom I named 'Lance'. We had met many times before in dreams, and I relished our romantic and magical encounters although I could never remember his face when I had awakened no matter how hard I tried. I knew he was my soul mate though he was far from perfect. He could be kind, yet temperamental. Gentle but possessive. Qualities that bore striking resemblance to yours. We fought a lot. We loved too much. But always always took care of each other. Perhaps I knew that it was only natural for Lance to disappear from my dreams as I met you in the flesh. And how each and every day you would surprise me with your charm and intellect, and your natural magnetism. But most of all, your ability to love others, especially your family... and up until now, me. The imperfect, hard- headed, overly- emotional, ever- gullible me. You became my Lance, my epitome of a soul mate, my other half. No, no. You became more than my Lance. You became my Stan. My one true love. My dream made real. I no longer cling to dreams and restless sleep, I am now awake. And I feel truly alive for the first time in my life. With you beside me, reality is better than any dream. 

Remember the Day

3. I cannot remember the day when I realized that I had fallen for you. I only knew that I loved. I was drawn to you like a moth to a flame. I recall those days when you always went off to play those darn computer games with your friends, and how annoyed I was. I must be have been jealous at how you preferred their company to mine. I spent some of my time in the library reading books, wishing that I, a heroine in my own tale, had a real prince. I do, however, remember how our group of friends hung around and talked on our favorite spot on campus. One of those times, beside me, you took a nap. I just stared at your adorable sleeping face and played with your hair. A friend asked me, "are you guys together?". Without thinking I playfully said, "not yet.", prompting them to start their never-ending teasing. I couldn't believe I said that out loud. You woke up. You never told me, only years later, that you actually heard what I said. And how that knowledge made your heart soar. You never told me that you were falling for me too. Like me, you never realized it. It just happened. And you couldn't remember how.

The Hand of Fate

2. On my very first day of class, I was late because I got lost at our school. When I found my classroom, I found that all seats were occupied except for the one beside you. Thank you for saving me a seat on that day. Though  you saved a seat for a pretty stranger you just met, you unknowingly paved the way for me a place in your heart. For the five years you were with me through the good and the bad, I've never had a greater friend and closest confidant than you. It was fate. And perhaps in some strange and wonderful way God had planned it accordingly for the both of us. I am luckiest girl in the world.

Let me count the ways...in 365 days.

I started this blog as a way to preserve precious memories about my first love... I never want my love for him to fade... And I am sane enough to know that letting him go<or even considering it> is probably the biggest mistake I will ever make in my life. I love him. I hate him. Never thought we'd survive this long though.

1. On the first day we met in college, you looked at me for the very first time... making me feel alive. Sparks flew, though I was too dumb enough to recognize that it was true love in the making. You looked and I approached and talked to you... and we talked about that nasty scar I got from walking my dog. You frowned when another guy came to talk to me and you assumed that I was taken. That didn't stop you from making plans though. And that didn't stop my heart from skipping a beat when you looked at me with those intense dark brown eyes. I lost you in the crowd as we separated ways.