Foods We Hate

136. I've always talked about the foods that we both love and now I shall do the complete opposite and talk about the foods that we both absolutely hate. I hate liver. I'd avoid it in all instances because it makes me barf. Though I'm allergic to shrimp and crab, I don't feel as strongly about them than I do liver. I also don't eat raw carrots except for when it is made into a shake or juice. You, on the other hand, like both liver and carrots. What you don't like is surprisingly raw tomatoes. I don't know what it is about them but you usually separate them from the dish or give them to me. I tricked you into eating some carefully hidden tomatoes in a sandwich once and you even liked it. But upon learning it was raw tomatoes I saw surprisingly that you didn't even shudder. If fact, you were only pleasantly surprised. I have to say that alone, I'd say you hate tomatoes but harnessing them in a salsa or hiding them in a sandwich completely changes things. You also don't like spicy food the way I do. Other than that I'd say that between you and I, we'd do well on an eating spree around town. Local delicacies like barbiqued chicken intestines, dinuguan, balut and the like are fine with us. I don't know how we'd do in eating delicacies from other countries though. Absolutely no worms, dogs, rats, grasshoppers, centipedes, maggots nor cockroaches for us that's for sure. We're not that adventurous. 

The Religion Teacher

135. I've talked of our annoying teacher from my previous blog entry and now I have decided to talk about another memorable teacher we've had- the religion teacher. I've often wondered how other people would react to her, perhaps as negatively as we've imagined. After all, she was too 'sarado catolico' in her beliefs that the class had usually bordered on the scary. Strangely enough, I liked her. Perhaps because I had been to a strict all-girl Catholic high school so I was already used to some Christians being all too fervent. We remembered how she practically told us that people from other religions will 'go to hell', so repent, convert or else there will be hell fire, brimstone and all. What was worse was that since she was almost at a retirement age, was that she had memory lapses every now and then and tended to repeat herself. She promised you in front of the class that she'd award you with bonus recitation points but told you to remind her the next week. When you did remind her she accused you of lying to her face not once but twice. After much argument she gave you the points but didn't bother to apologize for embarrassing you in front of the class. Soon, almost every one just fell silent and didn't bother to speak against her or comment about anything she did or said inaccurately because it just became worse. Besides, she may have just taken it out on our grades. This way, everything became smoother since she thought all of us seemingly agreed with everything she said. Her teaching- methods were rigorous and stiff and conservative and ordinary; one would never guess how she was like a dictator in her beliefs. It's amazing how close-minded some people are. I wonder if they even realize that they are putting people off with those inconsiderate words. No wonder there are extremists in this world. 

Underneath the Clothes

134. If someone asked me what was the part of my body I was most insecure about, I wouldn't answer him. At first glance you'd think that there was nothing wrong with me. Everything normal, seemingly the right size or was it? You've seen practically every inch of me, yet you still don't regard my physical flaws as the flaws I consider them to be. Two things. Scars and moles. I have a scar near my elbow that was one of the topics of our first ever conversation. I have scars on my knees from my playful childhood days and I have tiny round scars from my chicken pox on random body areas. And the moles. I have lots of them all over, with the biggest on my neck that I plan to have cauterized or excised when I finally had enough money. You don't notice any of them to my surprise. To you, I was beautiful just as I was. It was flattering and heart-warming to be accepted readily. However, you had your own problem areas to deal with. Particularly on the left- chest area, but I won't mention anything further. I believed that it's nothing a few months in the gym, disciplined diet and a wardrobe-tweaking cannot fix. Funny, if you hadn't pointed those flaws out, I wouldn't have noticed them either. People in love are generally accepting of everything about their partner and that is where the phrase 'love is blind' was coined from. It's a great notion from this point of view but if one looked at it from an  emotional perspective, it is also where tolerance of abuse stems from. I believe true love will not readily accept all physical deformities if it can be improved. Like my mole. You agreed that it should go because it may be a cancer risk. And I encouraged you to go to the gym and increase your physical activity in order to reach your optimum level of health. After all, if I want us to grow old together, we should be at the peak physical condition starting at this moment. I don't want anything to come in the way of my being the best partner you can possibly have. Acceptance is good but improvement is most definitely better. But whether or not you change on the outside or inside, I'll still love you no matter what. Although, I'm sure that a well-chiselled body will do wonders for one's ego and love life as well. 

Never Let Go

133. There are times wherein I feel alone when we were together. It's like when one rides the highs and lows of a swing I guess. But I never want you to feel like I am being demanding or needy though I come across as that at times when I can't control it. I remember having a hard time opening up to you when I had problems. But I've learned through the years  that when dealing with you, being direct is the best way possible. You're not a mind reader after all and I tell myself that a number of times during the years. But I both admire and detest the way you're becoming more attuned to me so I feel less alone. Have I told you that you're like magic? Everything I could possibly want has come true because of you. And regardless of the times I feel lonely or alone, I feel absolutely feel loved. When we kiss there is such electricity that there is no doubt in my mind that you are the one for me. Strangely, I think it's because of all the lucky people in the world, you've found the most adaptable, excitable creature on the planet. I like being in situations wherein I am fully aware of what is expected of me but I also like situations wherein creativity becomes a demand. Face it, without deadlines or expectant superiors or people depending on you, I doubt any normal person would be so productive in the first place. People need each other. And I need you. And though, I feel negatively to some aspects of our relationship, it would be such a waste to just focus on those things. Why not focus on the good things about it? Like all our memories? That's what I want to accomplish in this blog. A deeper connection to you is my ultimate goal. A showcase through these memories I've collected that we have indeed found our other half so that through reading this, neither loneliness nor fear could descend upon what we have created in this life together. So you have no need to worry my dear. I will be here in spite of everything. I'm never letting go.  

Camping and Ghost Hunting

132. One time, our university had a camping activity on our wide soccer field. Students from all colleges propped up their tents, crowded the restrooms, brought lots of junk food and were in high spirits all throughout the event. We had a little parade to represent the different sections, a program that featured some our most talented dancers, and a few contests that were nothing short of amusing. I was happy to be included in the sports-themed parade though I had to borrow a cute tennis outfit from one of our classmates. After that, you relaxed on my lap in a tent. As much as I had wanted to, we didn't participate in the water balloon fight because you thought it was too much trouble than it was worth. I don't know why but you seemed to be in a downright bad mood and I just didn't understand it at that time. I didn't mind the water balloon fight but when I encouraged you to come participate with the ghost hunting activity, you flatly refused saying no. When I asked why and you told me you didn't want to take part of it because of a particular friend of mine that would be present as well. I rolled my eyes at you because we've been through this before. There was nothing going on between him and I. So you remained in your tent while I stalked off with my friend and the rest of the students to explore our haunted school. I was hoping to see a ghost but except for the hairs standing at the back of my neck and the torrent of students screaming over shadows there was nothing. It was actually quite a let down but we had a great laugh. I remember this camping because it was the first time I've slept with my two girl best friends in a single tent. It was the first time I've had a shower with them. Yes, it was quite a kinky experience I might add. And it was the first time you and I were at a bonfire together though we didn't participate in the candle lighting event. We lay under the stars and exclaimed at how big the universe is and how actually tiny human beings are. We were blessed to even exist. Since we had a rift, our cuddling session was quite short as I retreated irately back to my tent. Thankfully, the next morning we resolved our problems over at breakfast at Jollibee and all was right with the world again.  

California Maki

131. Here's another entry dedicated to food. The first time you ever tried california maki was on one of our dates. I was surprised that you haven't tried this common Japanese cuisine even once. Seeing as that they were selling some at the mall I just couldn't resist but buy you several pieces of the the strange sushi rice-seaweed dish. You hesitated at first but then I fed you a piece that you just ate because you trusted me. I was happy you did because you loved it. Minus the wasabi of course that made your nose hurt. We bought more pieces to eat at the dark of the movie house. I was glad that you were brave in this small little way and more adventurous when it came to your palate. Later we even experimented making home-made onigiri as well. We enjoyed that with a bowl or two of champorado and some coca-cola. Yes, a strange combination but our bellies relished it nonetheless. It's a nice feeling to have one's heart and stomach full at the same time. It doesn't happen very often.

An Annoying Teacher

130. Somewhere in one's school life you encounter that one teacher who will forever leave a bad taste in your mouth. You first thought she was an ordinary teacher until she's determined to make a bad example out of you. You remember her yet? Yes, that one. There's was nothing special about her at first. Just a typical middle aged teacher who taught boring subjects, laughed at her own jokes and liked revisiting her past. You're a hard student not to notice because you're so talkative in class so I guess that's why she picked you out of everyone. The day after an essay test she asked to speak to you alone in her office. When you had return to class you had a glower that could have melted metal. When I asked what it was that you two talked about you told me that she asked you to first write your name to get a look at your handwriting. You're a perceptive one and you automatically realized that she was trying to pin you for cheating so you asked 'what kind of handwriting would you like? I have many forms depending on my mood. It could slant this way or scripted or in print or other lazier ways.'  I was surprised. How could you have cheated since the test was an essay and the proctor never left the room and the papers were passed quickly to the front, I thought. The teacher calmly said 'Oh so that's it. I hope you're being honest or else I had to report you. I'm sorry to have doubted you. Because I was busy, I let my husband check some of my test papers and he was convinced you let someone else answer your test because of your strange handwriting. Do improve it next time alright?' First she tries to trap you for cheating and then she blames your handwriting. And I thought it was quite unprofessional to let one's husband check her test papers. You were angry and I was thoroughly disturbed. Thank God that that didn't lead to something even more serious because she would have definitely lost in a court case. What kind of teacher tries to trap an innocent student for cheating, I wonder. A faultfinder usually has the most faults. It was quite suspicious that she acted more friendly toward you after that incident than the other students, no doubt trying to reassure herself that she didn't just let a real cheater go. She was no doubt the most annoying teacher you had so thank goodness that our classes with her were over and done with and it's all in the past. 

Two Reactions To Exams

129.We both hate exams. To students, it's like a routine shot, painful but necessary since it's the only measurable way educators can actually evaluate whether or not learning has occurred. And since our university is still old school, tests are just part of everyday life unfortunately. I just want to talk about how we both react to exams. You are the avid procrastinator whereas, I am the reviewer addict. Basically, you don't think about the exams until the last minute whereas as early as one week before, I live, breathe and eat studying. I think it's because I'm not naturally intelligent like people who have photographic memory and those who get things in a snap. I make up for it by studying my brains out. You have more inborn skill at natural intelligence and logic but you're a master crammer. I first study on my own my typed out and printed reviewers and then later, engage another in a questioning match or do group study. You, use a combination of the three. Most of the time we are study buddies. At an exam, you are usually the last one to come in the classroom, late of course but you're always one of the first ones out. I, on the other hand, am one of the first ones to arrive yet one of the annoying ones who leave last. You usually have a hard time waiting for me to finish taking exams because I answer everything in pencil first and then when I am certain of an answer then I use my ball pen then make everything neat by using an eraser. I am not afraid of making my test paper dirty so as long as it's in pencil. It's just one of those habits I have. Some people would call it test-taking skills. We both hate forgetting things that we're sure we've come across while studying yet forget at the back of our heads while answering. And then after everything, we do what we do best. Celebrating together the aftermath of exams with a much-needed brain dumping at the mall. Waiting for grades make me nervous so I'd rather not think about it though it's there tugging at the corners of my mind. You completely forget about waiting  for results and tests and just enjoy the moment with me. I should be more like you because in spite of our differences, our grades are never far apart.

The Smoke Scare

128. It wasn't all the time that we were partners or group mates in a project.  I should have kept a closer eye one you in whatever case because when I didn't, I got a shock when we had a viewing of our film projects. I really couldn't remember my project but I remember yours. You played an addict and you were smoking a cigarette like there was no tomorrow. I remember how my eyes went wide and my eyebrows shot up and my eyes darkened in anger as I watched you in that film. How could you do this filthy thing even in a movie? And you were even asthmatic as a child. I dislike smoking immensely especially when my loved ones do it. My father hasn't learned his lesson up until now in spite of the fact grandfather died of lung and throat cancer. I know a number of friends who smoke though they are in the nursing profession and I find it an irony. I only stop short of a well-meaning lecture when it comes to them. But for my boyfriend to smoke,  it is simply unthinkable. What was going through your mind? Couldn't you have not lighted it at least? Was it just some school-boy curiosity you were trying to satisfy? Or was it some strange desire to see how I would react to what you've done? It was only one stick, you said. Yes, one stick, dear but you've risked your life for one little stick. You told me to stop being so hysterical about it because to you it wasn't such a big deal. I made you promise not to smoke again, not for anyone and certainly not in any more projects. You promised and calmed me down enough for me to tell you that I only got angry because I cared for you too much to see you expose yourself to that risk. And after a lecture, that you endured splendidly, we went out to enjoy a little date to absolve you from the scare you gave me. Please don't do it every again I beg you.

Prom Memories

127. One time that I went to your house, your highschool yearbook which was delayed for two years because the files were lost, was on the table. Excited at the prospect of seeing the younger, more spirited version of you I opened it and began exploring the pages. You settled beside me and pointed out your friends and talked about your girlfriends and your prom. There was a tinge of jealousy within me that I could not control. You had a lot of fun at your prom and I bet many girls swooned at you whereas my prom wasn't so enjoyable. After my first date turned me down after a lame excuse. I had my roguish cousin as the date and he left me to my own devices after the entrance picture taking. He kept stepping outside for a smoke and got sidetracked by another girl he knew. Well, at least he didn't forget to bring me a corsage. It was alright for me because I had a good time with my friends instead, dancing. At this time, I was still a bit on the chubby side and even though I had an exquisite blue-purple gown I did not look my best in the pictures. Things would have been different if by this time I had a boyfriend as great as you. I wouldn't have been so lonely and looked longingly at my classmates who happily danced and hung out with their partners. In my mind I imagined the perfect prom, well, after all our social graces classes I just had to. My date would be someone that told me I looked beautiful and would gently lead me onto the dance floor.  I would have had this person to slow dance with and it would be so romantic. Nothing would exist but us. as he'd hold me close By the end, we'd be king and queen because every person present would think we were the perfect couple. But like all fantasies, this one let me down greatly. Not one of my hopes came true. Somehow the universe contrived to make it up to me two years after. I may not have had the perfect prom but I had so much more precious moments that are worth far more than anything material. And it all started the day when you laid your eyes on me.  

The League

126. In one of our class projects, we made our own version of the league of extraordinary gentlemen at my house. I spearheaded this project to make it easier for everyone. I handled the script, helped with the costumes and chose everyone's roles. I was the movie editor as well and placed some actual scenes from the movie within our film. The only two main things  I asked from everyone was to memorize their lines and show up on filming day. You were part of my group. Actually, our whole barkada was in the group as well and that made things infinitely easier. I played Mina the vampire while you played Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I let you wear my grandfather's dark blue suit and I must say that it really made you look quite nice. There were so many laughable bloopers in the finished product that was thankfully not so apparent to viewers since only those who worked within the film knew. One blooper was when you transformed and you swung the net too much that it hit a group mate across his face. Luckily the camera wasn't focused on him. Another was when we filmed the parking car scene using a toy car and a dollhouse  in lieu of the real thing since none of us could drive yet. The main scene, short as it was, was shot in a non-moving vehicle so I highly wondered if anyone noticed the unchanging scenery. We still attained a high mark for that project to my relief. We celebrated post-filming by taking a lot of pictures in our costumes and I remember it was so much fun. Now, every time I watch that little film we did I could not help but feel a little wistful. We were so young and amateurish but it was worth it because it was so downright amazing to have worked with such wonderful people.

Glasses

125. I think it was somewhere in our first year that you finally gave up your pride and the head aches, and accepted the fact that you were near-sighted. You and I went to an eye clinic at the mall and had your eyes checked and fitted for your first pair of glasses. You let me pick out the frame and I insisted that though it should be square-shaped to match your facial shape, it had to be sporty to match your cool attitude. I won that little tug of war and when you wore the one I chose which was a dark blue sporty frame. I all but melted. I had a thing for men wearing glasses. It made them look intelligent and professional and absolutely charming. What? You asked repeatedly. And I gushed how it made you look more handsome than usual. You smiled. You sure? You don't think that it makes me look weird or dorky? You asked. No, I replied. Definitely not. Far from it. Sometimes, you still forget to wear it at school and you don't see as well as you could but you joked that you would always recognize me no matter the distance. How? Because of your wide forehead, you joked and I laughed. I still prefer you with glasses though you look just as good without them.   

The Suitor

124. Let's face it. Though I was already steadily dating you, other members of the opposite sex still attempted to cozy up to me in spite of my relationship with you that they were fully aware of. I wasn't very good at fending them of and letting them off easy. Much to your absolute dismay, you knew that it would be better for us to be together so you could watch out for me. It was impossible for us to be together all the time so there would be times wherein I would be frustrated with these boys who just didn't take no for an answer. By my second year, I had three stalkers. One on the phone. One who drove a tricycle who kept pestering our employees at the store. And one who I only found out about during my fourth year in college who kept watching me at our internet shop. My parents knew only of two of them. I would talk about that later on. Aside from those guys, I had two strange guys who had strange ways of attempting courtships. Though not necessarily troublesome, they could be annoying at times. Today, I've only chosen to talk about one of them. I met him when I was only in high school when I was visiting my brother's all boy's highschool for a school event.  He was one of my brother's friends and I thought he was nice enough though he was too tall and moved a bit awkwardly. I didn't think he'd become obsessed about me for a long time. He'd call up the house a lot. He'd write love letters. He joined the same Church choir I was in though he lived in another town. All under the guise of furthering our friendship. Sometimes he'd even walk me home. Walking with him was far better than walking home alone at night in our neighborhood so I'd be a fool to decline. You told me I should have refused because he could have done something to me because it was the strange ones I had to watch out for. But though I knew his intentions, I considered him a friend because he was such a good listener. He knew about you fully because I talked about you a lot, declaring my love to you and telling him no did not sway him to stay away. I invited him to my birthday and he actually came and avoided you completely. I invited him to my debut since I needed 18 guys to be 'roses' and he sulked the entire time as he watched us jealously, looking like a slob in his long-sleeved white shirt. We both saw it in the video and shared a joke about it. You told me that you pitied him and that he was just torturing himself by being around me. I guessed he was still hoping in one way or another he'd break us up. I left him alone. Eventually as the months passed he stopped completely. In my last conversation I encouraged him to make new friends, meet other girls and find a new hobby. He told me that he'll never find another girl like me. You will, I said, just wait and see. I guess he did. In my own way I empathized with him and his loneliness, but I knew he was too unhealthily attached to me. I had to let him go, thankfully. And he had to let me go too. Simply because I had already given my heart away to you. He's one suitor I was so happy to let go with my eyes wide open. Shoo.    

The Palm Reading

123. One of our teachers, who was organizing a club fair, asked our class to help set up the venue at the coliseum for some incentives. There, we met in one of the booths a very interesting guy who had a knack for palm reading. It was amazing because he knew such in-depth things about a person's past and traits that it was hard to believe that he was merely guessing intelligently. With one look at your palm, he automatically rattled off your Capriconian traits quite impressively though you didn't tell him your birthday. He even told you that although you could be hard-headed and insensitive that you are an ultimately good and determined person that would be a great success one day. He even said that you've been in many relationships. As for me, right off the bat he told me about Libran traits. What struck me was how he told me that I was a jack-of-all- trades because of my great adaptability. I could survive almost anything and do great in almost anything but I wouldn't be a master of anything in particular. We would both live long lives. In the love area we were both challenged. We would fall in and out of love. When we told him we were going steady he was taken aback. He said our relationship was going to take a lot of work, patience and understanding and because we were both so different, it would even me more of a challenge to survive it and find common ground. We both agreed to this but told him that we would survive simply because we loved each other. No matter the differences. No matter the heart ache. No matter how far apart we are. You know, we didn't need a palm reading to tell us something we already knew in our hearts.

Music and Lyrics

122. Just as the song says, you are the music in me. You're my source for inspiration. Both for unfathomable sadness and inexplicable joy. Somehow, I only get truly inspired by these two extremes and when I do, I just have to put it into words or music. I composed a song for you out of thin air one night and I remember this only too well because it had only been a few weeks since we've reconciled from a great fight, something I'm so grateful for because it ended on a positive note that I think made us closer than ever. Around 11pm in the night, I sat down on my piano and just let my fingers roam free until they found beautiful melody that soon bloomed into a full-fledged piece. I didn't write it down, I memorized it from heart instead and dedicated it to you. I let you hear it one day and you loved it. Months later on our anniversary, you gave me the sweetest gift ever- the lyrics to my song. I could never have completed it without you. Just as you've completed my life, you've completed this special song. As I watched you tear up while singing it to me, a powerful emotion enveloped my entire being and I knew that it could only be true love. I must have done something amazing in my past life to deserve someone as you. In this life, I am the music and you are the lyrics. There is never one without the other. 

Strange Words

121. One of the surprising things about me is how entirely lacking my vocabulary is when it comes to my own dialect- Hiligaynon. There are times wherein you talk to me and there would be some words that would be alien to my ears. Having been enrolled into a school wherein the English-speaking policy was strictly enforced could have been a factor to this. So could my love for english films and books. Filipino, shamefully, was my poorest subject and if they had made Hiligaynon a subject, my grades would have been probably worse. Thankfully, you have the patience to explain to me the meanings of those words especially when we hear the really deep dialect coming from the rural areas. You're like my laughing human dictionary, in fact. You would suppress a teasing grin, the worst is when you all-out laugh at me, when I look at you with wide innocent eyes and shake my head that I don't know that word either. Yes, it's just one of my weak points in life that I think is both adorable and annoying to you.

Another Us

120. I love playing computer games, so do you. As you already know, one of my favorite games is Sims. This all-time favorite life-simulated game allowed a person to control virtual characters of one's own making. It's very much akin to a virtual dollhouse and since I used to be a dollhouse/barbie type of child, this was no doubt quite appealing to me as a teenager as you could imagine. I was quite addicted to it, and I nurtured our characters up until we had our ideal house, careers and family. We even had adorable pets. Yes, I made sure that the virtual you and the virtual me had our respective astrological signs and saw to it that they did things that we would normally do or perhaps hope to do one day. Yes, admittedly I cheated at some parts of it: I cheated on the money-making aspect of it so I could freely decorate and add rooms to the house and so that our Sims would never run out of food. I also cheated on the immortality aspect of it by letting ourselves drink potions that would keep us young and healthy and far from the clutches of death. Time moved so fast in that world that in no time at all our children were grown up and had families of their own that were all conveniently located in one neighborhood so that we could visit. It was a fun game. When I saw our sims kissing or cuddling, I couldn't stop myself from wishing that we could do that too or that someday we would have a life, as luckily provided for, though not as perfect as theirs. Our sims never fought. We fight some of the time and have the privilege of making up. Because their lives were too perfect and unrealistic, somehow it became tiring and repetitive to play. The sensation of your lips next to mine or having you take me in your arms made me come alive in more ways than one. Real life is indeed so much better. It's unpredictability is glorious. Better to build better versions of ourselves in reality than in fantasy.

A Center Stage Comedy

119. In our University there is an annual event called the Science Follies wherein representatives from each college perform a short, humorous play with a little reference to science. The first year, our class made it only up until the semi-finals but during our second year our class ultimately won it hands down. It was great because we beat all the other classes and year levels and our hard work really showed. It was one of those times wherein we were most united and had such class spirit. We all had a hand in the props and costumes and had roles to play. I remember that you were a pirate captain and your face was painted like Jack Sparrow's. I played catwoman, black skintight everything with boots. Other memorable characters were the weird versions of power rangers, powerpuff girls and ninja turtles which were all astoundingly hilarious. That morning before the play we were painting the turtles bodies with green paint and to our horror discovered that the other turtle's paint wasn't water-based. In a panic, we scrubbed him sore with soap and paint thinner and painted him anew with the proper green paint. It was quite a sight with you doing most of the scrubbing and our classmate groaning with the pain of it. I was actually afraid he was going to cry. It was understandable. The play itself went smoothly in spite of the many bloopers and costume emergencies. I loved how the crowd responded in cheers and unbearable laughter. You were a great bullish pirate. By far, we were the funniest thing they've seen in years. I couldn't get over it when they announced our class as winners. I was so very proud of everyone. Of you.  

Vanity

118. No matter how humble a person is, there still remains whether one likes it or not, that little streak of vanity. Human beings, high and low, are born vain creatures. You can see it plainly in malls, billboards, the television and other sorts of media. One can see it in schools and their little cliques. So long as it's not excessive, vanity in my opinion is acceptable. How else can our species survive if the males did not find the female species attractive in any way and vice versa? People would not come together as they have done for more than a thousand years if beauty, outer and inner, wasn't a highly prized commodity and self- love a vehicle to make it so. But never excess since it results to unfounded pride and narcissism and that leads to the undoing of many. But where does this fit in our relationship? Awareness of vanity, of beauty, came for me before I met you in college. It lead me to take care of myself more in all areas. I lost weight, dressed myself better, took better care of my skin and learned to apply make up properly. I doubt I would have turn your head, had I not done otherwise and remained the sad ugly duckling. It simply would not do. After one month of knowing one another I had a boyfriend. I was proud to be desired by the likes of you although it was reckless going headlong into a relationship with a person who had so much more experience. On your part vanity I think came quite early when you were a child. You were made to be escorts to many events and were the class valedictorian when you were young. When you were older you had six other girlfriends, captain of the basketball team and a volleyball player. Not to mention winning a school pageant. No wonder I was in awe of you in the beginning. No wonder I didn't have the strength to say no. What I am trying to say is that the streak of vanity lives in both of us and may have had a helping hand in bringing us together. We held each other close and looked at the mirror in my house and liked what we saw. In fact, we were absolutely tickled by it. We looked like we belonged together.     

Family Problems

117. One cannot avoid family issues when in a relationship. It cannot all be perfect since each person has many flaws, and like a diamond the rough must be polished to reveal the light and the beauty the person was meant to be. That is why it was a fatal error on my part to add fuel to an argument that we were having. I recall this one fight simply because we both shed tears. There was never more a time wherein I felt the regret of not choosing my words carefully, the insensitivity was like a knife to your heart. Where you sought comfort you only found more pain because of what I had said. Perhaps it was because I was not used to problems such as the one your parents had but that is only an excuse for my thoughtlessness. The perfectionist in me blurted out a hasty, stinging remark bout your father and of you. And you, defensive, figuratively slapped me with your own angry words. It was awful because we tried to keep our tempers in check but could not. I tried to take it back but I could not, just as you could not. The only thing you left me that day was a promise that you'll never become like him and do the things he did. You're your own person, and therefore entitled to the understanding of your loved one, that although you were of the same blood as your father, that didn't predispose you to the same misgivings as he. And no matter the cause, one should not belittle or insult family in any manner no matter how deserving the wrongdoing. It wasn't at all fair of me also to insinuate all those hateful things. It was uncharacteristic of me but the passion in me flared with emotions that I could not easily hide nor control. I am truly sorry for it. At times such as this when I am remembering, it still brings an awful reminder that I almost destroyed our relationship. But one cannot cry over spilled milk. One can only move on and hope for the best. And that is, better understanding, more patience and a heart full of kindness and love. You and I deserve nothing less.  

The Beauty of the Sky

116. When I was younger, I used to climb a tree and sit there staring at the sky, in constant awe of the beauty I found there. I wanted to scoop it up at the palm of my hand and wish myself part of it and not just an observer. I wanted a lot of things out of life. None was greater than a person to love me as I was. Bicker with me but treat me like a gentleman ought to treat a lady. That wish was granted far too early but I was happy nevertheless. Until now I am filled with so much wonder at how two people so different could fall in love as easily as we did and still be together years later. It is a beautiful realization that we have been together for more than half a decade and still be in love. Still have the utmost power to make me laugh or cry, and with the slightest touch warm my heart. It's still a wonder how we haven't given in to the heart ache or the constant worry of separation. The longest we've ever been separated was only three months, that were agonizing for us both. I despaired when you first told me about it because it did not make much sense to me at all, going away. My life grew dull without you and the beauty disappeared along with you no matter how much I reassured myself that you would return to me. I shouldn't have worried because you were a full grown man, intelligent and strong- willed and intensely loyal. I thank the heavens for the invention of the internet and cell phones but nothing can replace the feeling of being physically present. As I grew accustomed to a life without hearing your voice and seeing your face, I went back to staring at the sky a lot, particularly at night. My phone rang and there was a message from you that nearly broke my heart. I'm watching the full moon right now, you say, and thinking how we're under the same sky though we're apart. For awhile, I watched the nighttime sky in all it's loveliness, seeing the beauty there once more as I clutched my phone close to my heart. Yes, I see it. I'll be here when you get home.See you soon my love.   

Immaterial Girl

115. You've told me time and again that one of the things you love about be that I'm not materialistic. Truly, I am not. In fact, being around so much expensive things is quite unnerving for me. Not that I don't appreciate items of quality, I do since they last longer and are generally more beautifully made. Perhaps there are a lot of factors why I don't. Growing up, my parents were great providers and they made sure that my siblings and I lacked nothing. My grandfather always fixed broken things around the house, convinced that he could get everything working good as new. My grandmother, a great cook, was always careful about household expenses though she had to hold back a bit when it came to food. My mother had always been thrifty and she placed our needs before her own. My own father had a fatal flaw in his spending habits, which had been a source of constant worry for my mother who always saved for rainy days. I admire my father because he was able to conquer his weakness and now lives simply, enjoying his early retirement. Being involved at the Church has solidified the belief that I should indeed save up not for material things but for my treasure in heaven. I've always had a small allowance but just enough for me to live on and save a little. My weakness shows probably when it came to books, but even so I always bought them at insanely competitive prices during sales. All these contribute to why I behave the way I do about spending. and material things. Though I  also hate it when items, no matter the cost, end up lost or stolen or broken it's not the material aspect that affects me, it's the emotional attachment and memories associated with them. However, that leads to another problem- clutter. But that's another issue I shall write about in the future. For now, I am content.  

Happy Acting

114. One of the many hidden talents that you have is acting. You can be anything in front of an audience. I think you even won best actor for a skit once too. If I could remember correctly we have had so many skits and plays, and constant reporting, in our college days that it would be hard not to get over any sort of stage fright. Amidst a myriad of skits, one stood out simply because it was quite painful for me to watch. You played a homosexual cross-dresser and wore a dress and wig to amuse the crowd. It was a brave thing to do because you were willing to put yourself in a normally hateful situation. At least you weren't alone, there was another guy with you playing along. Every one had a great laugh while I squirmed in my seat, smiling yet gritting my teeth. I wonder if anyone noticed. You are after all a people-pleaser. After it was over, you kept teasing me because my skin still crawled at the sight of the gay version of you. You challenged me, what if I actually became gay in real life? What are you going to do about it? Even at high school you've been given a gay role once or twice, against your will. But what if you actually became gay? The first thing I'd probably do is arrange the most romantic date ever, wearing a drop-dead red dress and kiss you with all the passion of my being. Maybe do something even more drastic to drain that gayness right out of you and claim you again as my own. Cue evil laughter. Yea, that's never going to happen.   

Sense of Style

113. As men and women, obviously we have different tastes in clothes. I haven't met a straight man secure enough to wear feminine colors and designs save for the occasional pink shirt to show off some sensitivity. It's all a sea of browns, blues, blacks, whites and grays. Perhaps it's just our culture or the fear of losing manliness points, or being mistaken as homosexuals. Perhaps it is better that way because there would be less confusion and awkwardness regarding the gender issue. You're sense of style I would have to say is a mixture of casual sporty, boy-next door, and careless vacationer or should I say tribal mountaineer? As you already know I don't really like the latter because although it spells colorful comfort for you, it a bit of an eyesore for me. Plus it does makes me feel overdressed. My style is feminine casual, girl next- door and a little on the simple elegance side. Had I a bit more money, I'd probably wear cute dresses all the time though it would be unwise when commuting and passing by neighborhood tambays. I absolutely detest being whistled at by strangers. On this note, I remember challenging you to wear pink on front of everyone and up until now you have not. You absolutely detest pink. But you know what? I appreciate it so much when you put in the effort to make yourself look and smell good. There's nothing more enticing to me when you shave, clean up and wear one of your polo shirts. Like it or not, I'm like a proud peacock when you do so because you are both ruler of my heart and eye candy at the same time. I hope it's the same for you.         

Summersplash Challenge

112. One of the first challenges of your new reign as mayor was securing a hut for our class for a summersplash outing at Canonoy beach resort during our second year. You attended the meeting and got the number of the hut which was randomly assigned to us through the fishbowl method. It was a very lucky thing because there were only limited huts and those who weren't lucky had to fend for themselves from the elements. We thought everything well and good but come the day of the event, we discovered that another class had stolen the hut from under our noses. It was drizzling that day and when we approached our hut we were shocked to find another class occupying it, hanging their stuff all over and stepping on the benches to avoid the wet floor, that would soon be flooding because the rains were becoming heavier. You sought out the other class' president and as you two were arguing, it was lucky that the school council intervened so it did not escalate into a brawl just for a hut that was in a dire condition, but rightfully belonged to us. As the invading class packed up their stuff and we moved in, we looked on the bright side of things because other sections were worst off. We laughed that it was indeed a summersplash because it was cold and rainy. Despite it all, we enjoyed ourselves and the food we brought. The bottle of bagoong you brought along was thoroughly enjoyed with green mangoes and practically devoured by one of our classmates. We had fun at the beach and went swimming though it was freezing. Others participated in the programs, others went skimboarding and others threw water balloons at unsuspecting victims. I was happy because I was with you. It was one of the first times we were at the beach together. I took a lot of pictures and treasured the one where you were hugging me tightly, in spite of our wet clothes.

A Leader Like You

111. At our second year of college, because of your leadership skills, you were elected as the mayor. This suited everyone fine since they really liked you and because  you had me, which made it seem as if they were getting a dynamic duo for mayor. It was silly because I got mixed signals from you due to the added responsibilities. You liked being in a position of power but you detested having to work and relinquishing your free time. You liked helping people but disliked helping them too much because of the belief that it lead to fostering dependency when they should also be contributing something to the group. I agreed to this because I had to learn it the hard way. I really thought being mayor suited you. Everything just ran smoothly, more smooth than the other mayors we've had. And what's nice was that you cared about us and effectively defended our class when called for. You had a nice blend of charm and charisma, fatherly discipline and focus and a sense of fun. Even up to now. I loved helping you out whenever I could because I enjoyed it and wore the nickname of 'first lady' with pride. How couldn't I be proud being on the arm of a man such as you? I'm also proud of the fact, and quick to proclaim I might add, that it was thanks to you that our class has such strong bonds of friendship because of the unforgettable memories you made possible.

The Massage Room

110. Once a year, our school holds a University Week which is akin to a school festival wherein all the school clubs, classes and or business-minded students have booths mushroomed around the school grounds for all to enjoy. There were those that sold little trinkets and food, others held movie rooms or horror rooms. There would always be a band, and the school government would hold programs and games simultaneously. It was quite a bit of fun actually and students were only required to sign an attendance sheet and could play hooky for the rest of the day. At this time, we were both members of the Red Cross Youth and our booth, assigned to a classroom, was a massage room. A few days before the event, we were trained by real professionals on how to do a full back and body massage. Actually only around 6 of us girls were trained, as the boys were used for practice which was entirely unfair. But it was alright. I was in charge of transforming the drab classroom into a beautiful and relaxing space. I even put in a small fountain and incense for good measure and provided the soothing acoustic music to perfect the ambiance. As well as the professionals, we too got to be masseuses for lower rates of course. We let the customers change into comfortable sarongs before we started. Though tiring, it was quite an enjoyable experience though I doubt I'll ever take that road to be a professional massage therapist. It was great because we had a number of customers, even Koreans and some athletes that got some of our member's mouths watering inappropriately. You even got jealous when I massaged male clients. It was fun making you jealous though it made you somewhat grumpy the rest of the day. I promised to give you a personal massage to make up for everything and that softened everything a little.I was so happy that our booth was such a great success and I got to learn how to do proper massage as well. 

A Classroom Nap

109. When a class lasts for let's say nonstop 3-5 hours, it's safe to say that at some point student's will get quite sleepy especially if the professor isn't the lively type and drones on in a monotonous voice. Somewhere in the middle of a class such as that, breaks are given. And in one of those 30-minute breaks, we would sometimes take power naps in our seats, in a half-cuddle fashion. Actually, though it would strain our backs, it was quite relaxing to have our arms around each other as we dozed off especially since our classrooms are quite cold from the air conditioner. Just for the fun of it, a classmate took pictures of many sleeping classmates and we were one of them. She posted it on the internet and everyone laughed their heads off upon seeing them. One was drooling. Another looked like she was listening but was actually sleeping. And another looked like she was reading a book but was also asleep. Many were sleeping with their head on their desks. In our photo we looked so sweet they said. They always said that and I had to agree with them. We looked so sickeningly sweet that honey bees would drool over us if they could. What I remember from those days was your warmth and your smell that I truly enjoyed. Sometimes we held hands and I felt complete. Never until you genty curled your fingers around mine, had I felt so much love.

First Pictorial

108.We had our first pictorial as a couple I think at our second year. It was nothing so special that we had to prepare for it. It was just one of those impulses during one of our dates at a nearby mall. We just wanted pictures of each other carried in each others wallets, signifyng how important we are in each other's lives. Carrying pictures of a loved one may be ordinary act but it's so sweet and intimate. People have a glimpse of it and they think 'yes, this person is loved and has something to live for.' And yes, cellphone pictures work just as well, especially if they're your primary picture. I also believe that it's a constant reminder of how we looked like that particular time in our lives. Pictures are so important in preserving memories because precious moments are gone the next. We'll never be seventeen again but as I look upon those pictures I could tell that we were so happy because happiness radiated from the photos, perhaps those identical auras were acting up as well. As of today, some of those photos lie in my room, framed and I look at it fondly before I close my eyes for the night and as for you, I know they still lie within your wallet, a little wrinkled but still precious in every single way.

Getting Fired

107. For almost a year I had been working as a magazine writer at the University publication. I enjoyed it though  I have to agree that having deadlines and editors can really put enormous amount of pressure especially with such a perfectionist such as I. What was awful about it was that I made a tiny mistake on one of the articles and when my nasty editor found out about it she told our EIC and recommended that I should be let go in spite of the fact that I edited the piece and I made numerous apologies so no real harm was done anyhow. Our chief talked to me and gave me the news as gently as she could but I was devastated nevertheless. She made it out that I resigned voluntarily but it pained me just the same. They were a sad ungrateful bunch, I thought, and I even went out of my way beyond my expected duties to help them, especially for that one editor. Perhaps it was more than that mistake I made since I heard that they didn't like nurse writers because they only stayed for a short while; they well preffered those from journalism or mass communication courses with more free time and had vigorous, more interesting personalities. I went out of that office, angry and hurt, sobbing right into your arms, for you were waiting just outside. You herded me to our special place behind the laboratories where I would have some privacy and could spill my guts out to you. You were sympathetic with me and you got angry at them too. Life wasn't fair at all. After comforting me, you told me that they didn't deserve me and I would have other numerous opportunities to come my way and at least I had you. I felt better because of your words. It was alright, I couldn't stay there long anyway because our course became busier by the year and sooner or later I had to quit if I truly valued my studies. I think you also let me drown my sorrows at a nearby fastfood chain. Later on I just became a contributor to two other school publications, one from my own course. I graduated from my own course with flying colors and in many ways had my fair share of achievements from different colors of an artist's palette. Rejection was just one of those experiences I had to undergo for it's impossible for one person to please everyone. I was lucky to have your support at that difficult time, so I'd recover quickly than most.