All By Myself

172. When you were in Manila for three months, I realized that I had not a clue what do with all my spare time. With you gone, I didn't have anyone to date or just be plain silly with. I didn't have my anime buddy, movie buddy, cuddle buddy and all around partner in crime. I was incomplete. I had never realized how much I've depended on you to fill up my time. With you gone, it was like I had suddenly all this free time that I didn't want and didn't know what to do with. I didn't want to sit around waiting for you to come home like a hopeless princess in a tower. In spite of our constant communication through text, it just wasn't the same no matter what I did. It was the first time I went shopping by myself. I spent hours browsing in boutiques and bookshops, trying to find something I liked. The money that I'd usually set aside for dating, was suddenly available for other things like getting my hair and nails done since I don't watch movies nor eat at restaurants alone. I didn't even understand why I did those because you weren't around to complement me anyway. I even enrolled in a review class for IELTS just like you, though that was totally useless because I didn't take the exam. One night, one of my girl friends called me and confided that she was thinking about enrolling in a masteral program in nursing and she asked me if I wanted to join her too. I thought about it for a long time and talked to my parents about it and they agreed. I was going back to school again. For the first time, all by myself, I was going back to our school. Without you. I guess it was alright, our paths in life were different after all. I couldn't expect us to have the same opportunities and plans in every aspect of our lives. Somewhere along the line, it would still come down to me. I would still be on my own, independent and brave in making my own decisions. I would just have to get used to it. I still missed you yet I had to endure those long endless days. I endured my birthday without you though you sent beautiful presents through mail with much greetings of love. It still wasn't the same. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. I longed for you every second of every day.