My First Heartbreak

179. I experienced my first heartbreak as a child of nine. I saw my crush, who was a chinito, being so very friendly to one of his female classmates during break time. They were just kidding around in the cafeteria and were talking so animatedly I couldn't help but notice. I stood up on my seat just to gawk at the scene that made me increasingly heartbroken and jealous. Why is he talking to her like that? I'm not sure I've outgrown that habit yet- of getting jealous over females that fawn over the object of my affections. Until now, it still causes me to raise an eyebrow and view the targeted girl with suspicion. But then, after your frequent reassurances and laughter, I relax and think nothing of it. Certainly there have been instances that warrant my undisguised jealousy like when you talk with one of your exes and she completely ignores my presence. It makes me wanna push her off a cliff. But seriously though, the first real heartbreak I experienced with you was when you walked out on me during one of our fights on our first year together. I hated you when you did that you know. I couldn't understand why you didn't stay with me so we could have at least talked it through. It made me feel like I was nothing and worthless. Like a cast off. If you could walk out on me then perhaps I wasn't so important in your life after all. After you cooled off a bit from God knows where, you found me in the cafeteria with one of my guy friends. This made you storm off once again. You were so irrational and childish back then. It was the first time I realized that this perfect being that I saw in my partner had flaws that challenged my patience to the brim. It was the first time that I contemplated breaking up with you too. I was young, I thought, perhaps we were not meant to be. But then again, perhaps we were. Though I shed a lot of tears I know for sure that life is uncertain. One never knows what to expect. Then, I expected us to truly break up, I was wrong about that because we're still going strong until now. With a gargantuan amount of effort that should be accounted for. When was your first heartbreak? I don't think you can remember. I only wish that I am your final heartbreak- the final heartbreak that would never ever come because I'm fully tangled up in you.