The Beauty of Goodbyes

175. I am not used to saying goodbye to loved ones. I've said many goodbyes to my father when he worked in Thailand and other countries and frankly, I always get emotional though I try not to let it show. When you told me that you were leaving for Manila, I supported you all the way. There was just a part of me though, that grieved for the fact that I won't be able to see your face and your beautiful smile. Every sunset from then on, I treasured with  you on my mind. We were growing up too soon. We couldn't stop it no matter how hard we tried to fool ourselves. It hurt but it was part of growing pains we will just have to endure. I tried to keep up a strong front, and I know you did too. I knew you were more nervous than me because you'd be in unfamiliar territory soon. Never mind that you were with your family, it wouldn't be the same as home. Your parents drove you and your cousin to the airport, with respective girlfriends in tow. It was a silly situation, because your mom kept trying to comfort us when it was obvious she was having some issues of her own. You didn't want me to cry when I said goodbye, but there was no stopping it. At my last look at you, before you checked in, you looked at me so lovingly, a tear escaped my eye. We kissed for the last time before you left. It will have to last for a very long time, I thought, this mere second- long kiss. There was never a more painstaking moment for me. The uncertainty. The long months I will have to endure without you. The night before, we had our last date together, and we cried and comforted each other. I cried so many tears that night. And you told me, it was good that I did because you didn't want me to cry so much at the airport. Still though, tears escaped my eyes in that moment. I'm such a baby, I thought, I'm so infatuated and immature that I couldn't control myself. I looked at you and though I told you take care of yourself and be careful, I'll be here when you get back, you can do it. I didn't want you to go in the least. I'm such a liar. To never feel your hands fit perfectly into mine. No, I reject it completely. Yet I told you to go. Why else do I want you to stay like I do? It's because every fiber of my being loves you. It was a sad time but it was beautiful. Saying goodbye to a lover is beautiful. The same way a sunset is beautiful though it signals the end of a day. I'm happy to have known love than to have never known love at all. I held on to the hope of you someday returning to me but for now it is goodbye. Goodbye for now. Goodbye to everything that I knew.