147. I don't know why is it that every now and then I keep asking you about your girlfriends. Owing to the fact that you had so many before me, I guess I would indeed be mighty curious. Well, it may also spring from a masochistic side of me because I like to compare notes when they may be better than me, essentially to make myself jealous over nothing. A few questions you don't really mind since you find them amusing but when I keep prodding about those good ol' days you get increasingly annoyed especially when I asked about very personal and revealing information. After my eyes tear up and my voice cracks from the hurt of new knowledge, you then keep reassuring me about how perfect for you I was and that I was one of the best decisions you've ever made, that I was the most sensational; in other words, I was really pushing your buttons by faking insecurity at first and then being truly insecure I was of them. It would start out innocently and then escalate into a full blown argument and that has actually happened a lot of times. I don't know why I put myself through it and then wishing I had similar stories to tell but I didn't since you are my only boyfriend. At times I found it unfair, having only one boyfriend and no ex-boyfriends, therefore knew nothing about relationships other than I one I was in. You dared me to find other men but I refused since it would only mean hurting myself and you. Then I would see the light. Those 'others' were but shadows now and I shouldn't be threatened by them any more than you should be threatened to advances made by other men on me. It is nice to feel your possessiveness at times though. Human beings are territorial creatures after all. So if hypothetically one of your exes, particularly the one you called bestfriend, tries to date you once more, I shall skin her alive using a spoon.
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