Three Little Words

76. There's nothing more satisfying to hear than you telling me that you love me. Why is it that those three little words mean so much? Why does the absence of those words, lead me to constantly asking you for reassurance? You're the kind of guy who is not so expressive when it comes to words and that is why it is better for me to ask you directly, no matter how embarrassing it could be for me. You've told me that you've gotten used to it over the years and tell me that it's alright and there's no need to apologize. I know actions speak louder than words but the truth is that I just love hearing them. It's like an affirmation; a fierce declaration. What girl doesn't love to hear her man declaring his love after many years? I believe that the more you say it, the more you believe it and thus it shows more in your actions as well. So here it goes. I love you. I don't even need to tell you why. I just do. I'll let my eyes say it when there is only silence between us. I'll let my fingers bleed out of love for you to read what I write. Every smile. Every laughter. Every tear. Every gesture. Every kiss. Those three little words will be there. I promise. With sincerity, honesty and truth behind every word. In every language that I know of and in every fiber of my being. I love you. 

Golden Wedding

75. My grandparents had their golden wedding anniversary some years ago; celebrating a momentous 50 years together. It was amazing and everyone had to wear beautiful gowns and dresses. I was a bridesmaid for the very first time. And you bore witness to it, watching me lovingly from afar. One of our many firsts. The chapel at our University was decked in yellow and gold, and the reception at a well- known inn was equally marvelous. I find weddings, the greatest of all celebrations because they talk of the great love that two people, a man and woman, share. And I can't help but wish that my very own would be just as exquisite, filled with love, beauty and family and for us both to reach our very own golden wedding. It's more than just a special day, it would be a milestone for both our lives. At the reception, so many of my family had gathered and after the toasts and the speeches, some of my cousins, siblings and I even performed some dance numbers. I remember how one of my cousins remarked how slim I now was, and how radiant I looked. I wanted to tell him it was because I was in love. I was allowed to bring some of my own guests for the event, but only three male friends were in attendance, you included. During this time, I was a tad engrossed with taking a picture of us together, and that you were seen in the video coverage. I couldn't take my eyes off you. and  I knew you couldn't take your eyes off me either. It was heartwarming to see you starting to become involved with my family. As usual, you were so hesitant to dance with me, but after much prodding from me and from one of my relatives, who struck me as a gay dance instructor, you eventually danced with me to my absolute delight. We ate and danced, and had a wonderful time. I tell myself that I am lucky to have grandparents who adore one another even after fifty years. The fact that they lasted so long for all this time, inspired me. I wish that we could be together just as long or more, and for us to have such lasting love such as theirs.

Pancit Days

74. I'm quite fond of reliving my very first moments with you; what I call our instant pancit crush. Instead of writing solely about our usual snacks of pancit or noodles with toast after school hours or at home, I shall write it served with wry humor. There are so many instant things nowadays. Instant oatmeal. Instant noodles. Instant boyfriend during college. Everything comes so easy. Just add hot water and wait. To think that I actually planned to have a boyfriend during fourth year, when at the first day of school there you were making me fall head over heels from the first moment. Pancit comes in many flavors but I prefer the spicy kind while you prefer the calamansi kind. I've always been able to stomach spicy food, loving the tingling sensation it leaves on your tongue and throat. In the same way, I like the spice that your love has brought to my life. The noodles meanwhile symbolizes the longevity of our relationship. The calamansi and butter toast at the side gives that extra something to the entire simple dish; a little tang, a little crunch and a melty goodness. Some pancit have a little meat or vegetable toppings, to add interest and chemistry. Everything best served hot. Just like you. What makes it taste best however, is the pleasure of your company.    

The Tale of A Proposal

73. There are moments in life that are worth reliving again and again. And if only I could turn back the hands of time to relive this one special day in my life, I would give almost anything. I wish I could tell it better but I'd like to remember it like a fairytale. Once upon a time, there was a little girl wishing for a handsome prince to whisk her away from the troubles of this world to get her happily ever after. She waited and waited, in her lonely high tower and no one came. Disappointed though she was, she slept peacefully in her beautiful soft bed and in her mind's eye she saw, or perhaps created, the man she would give her heart too. He wasn't perfect but he wasn't real either but she believed that she'll truly meet him one day. She grew up and the tower could no longer hold her. She left for another land, to learn what she could to start on her path as a healer. She wanted to help a lot of people and she wanted to be the best. Then fate stepped in and she met her prince. He was everything she dreamed but he was flesh and blood and his heart was good and true. A stolen kiss bid them down a rugged though interesting pathway. In spite the many ups and downs of that road, for the first time, this girl knew true happiness. One day, together they went to a chapel for the girl had to borrow a musical instrument there since she had been tasked by a teacher to demonstrate her special talent. As they were leaving, the prince pulled the girl back. She was shocked as he went down on one knee, in front of that all-seeing altar, took out a ring from his pocket and asked her to marry him. The happiness in her heart could not be contained, thus flowed out of her eyes as tears. And she said yes to him and wore his simple silver band with opals on her finger with pride. As she played and sang that afternoon, her eyes danced, her heart sang, and a secret smile was upon her lips. Since they were both young and had to wait but they were prepared to undergo the long engagement. What were a few years to eternity? But for now, there could not be a more perfect day for her for she loved and was loved in return. This was her happily ever after in the making. And the prince was by her side as she entered the realm called adulthood.

Take the Lead

72. Taking on leadership roles is sometimes inevitable. You've had more experience than I in the area but what I lack for in charisma and natural domineering confidence, I make up for in sweetness, creativity and a general democratic way of handling things. You say I am guilty at times for being too kind and too soft and of becoming a crybaby when things don't go my way but I think exerting control isn't really my cup of tea. One time when I was tasked with something for a class and had to stand up front to talk, I asked you to do crowd control because the class was getting rowdy. It worked wonders. You're lucky that every one listens to you so things get done quicker. And I'm lucky too because no one usually opposes me with you by my side. I admit that I liked being in a position of authority at times because it afforded me more control over a situation that would normally pass through my fingers like droplets of water. More then usual however, I like taking a backseat and letting others take the lead, while I play second in command, a role that I am most comfortable with because I feel that I though I have some degree of control, I am also a follower that can unleash whatever creative impulses I have to a project in more ways than one. I can be in any role whether it be typing out reports, making invitations, writing scripts, providing music, making the powerpoint or videos, arranging the costumes or props or other roles. It shows in our relationship too, in fact, it mirrors it. You take the lead, I choose to follow. I know I'll be safe with you and with that knowledge comes freedom and I'm not in the least afraid because I trust you. When our roles sometimes reverse, and that does happen at times, I like playing the teacher and showing you the way but I think I'd like it even more if you played the obedient student instead of one who's so talkative and questioning. But that's just you, and I know full well that I shouldn't be so judgmental. No one's perfect. Not even a seemingly perfect leader. 

A Little Review

71. Ever since high school I have developed some tedious though effective study habits that have lasted all throughout college. Due to my awful handwriting that is barely readable, I had to take other approaches in order to ascertain that I retain maximum information from our classes. Yes, a tad compulsive on my part but it's an asset for us both. I furiously type out my notes again, using touch typing, with a vengeance on the computer in a readable proper font though I had to make the font size small to save on ink and paper as I printed out reviewers for all subjects especially with regards to nursing. I remember that of all the subjects, it was anatomy and physiology that was the most daunting. I think I typed out at least 40 pages on that subject alone during the course of the semester. I would always print or photocopy another copy for you. For all classmates who wished it, they too could secure a copy with my permission. It was some sort of relief especially for those who were absent or were too tired to copy. I didn't mind one bit. You warned me that although it was good to be generous, my kindness could be abused. And you were right on that aspect. But for the most part, I think the main reasons for us both graduating with honors was simply because I was compulsive, nay, diligent, enough to make these little reviewers. And I don't forget one second the times that we reviewed together using those notes; I appreciate every thing you've done for me as well. Where would I be without my review buddy? 

New Uniforms

70. One week before our very first duty at a hospital, we were asked by our clinical instructors to bring our complete duty uniforms for final checking. I had worn my uniform just the night before, and it fitted me perfectly. Basically it consisted of a white dress and a white apron, white stockings and white shoes while for the boys, just a plain white polo shirt with white undershirt and white pants. All white. As usual, I was excited to see you wear something new and wasn’t disappointed in the least. It suited you to the tee and just made me giggle at how good you looked. The class was quite noisy. Some classmates were getting ready, some were fixing their hair, and some were getting looked over by instructors, while some were animatedly taking pictures as a remembrance. I didn’t feel like a real nurse yet though, and you felt the same way I did. But suddenly you told me I looked beautiful in the new uniform and it really suited me nicely. I blushed and gave my thanks and complimented you as well. It was hard to believe that this was the path we’re both treading. This little footpath was made up of knowledge, skills and attitudes aimed to develop a person, a professional nurse, fully equipped to deliver tender love and care to patients. As we wore that uniform for the first time, I saw us both blend into a sea of white, a family wearing white. There were so many of us on this medically- oriented road that it was just impossible to feel alone. Most importantly, I was glad you were with me. No matter the problems I will have to undergo in this profession, I knew you would understand like no one else and care about all the intricacies we will be exposed to. Only a nurse can fully comprehend another nurse. Certainly, it will be amazing to have two accomplished nurses in our future family. I thanked the Lord once again for giving me this blessing and prayed for guidance as I learn and grow in this path I’m on that one day I will be the best nurse I can be. Not only for both our sakes, but for the world as well. 

Canine Trouble

69. One night, at around 6pm, you brought me safely home. You stayed awhile, watching television with me. You couldn't stay long because you still had duty early the next morning and you said goodbye to my parents and me. I went with you to our garage gate, and we kissed goodbye, as was our habit. Suddenly I saw at the corner of my eye a movement. It was our family's old dog, a big German Shepherd who unfortunately hated you with all of his being. What was he doing out of his cage? He wasn't supposed to be out until 9pm. to guard the house. He came to me, tail wagging and sniffing around and you instantly tensed beside me in alarm. My dog growled menacingly at you, separating me from your side. All the while I was trying to pacify the dog's obvious jealousy and grabbing at his collar and his fur to keep him away from you to no avail. When he bared his teeth at you, barking continuously, I felt my heart race due to the danger. Then suddenly it was if the events happened slow motion. The dog attacked you, his sharp canines aiming for your neck. Your quick reaction time allowed you to evade him and the dog's teeth grazed your arm. No! Down! Bad dog! I shouted in horror. I tried my best to tighten my grip on the dog but a large hundred pound dog out for blood isn't exactly controllable. My heart sank and I positively paled as I watched you scramble and run up the outdoor stairs, with the savage dog at your heels. I saw him attack and bit you and I heard your pained yelp. You jumped on the garage roof where the dog couldn't reach you and landed with a loud bang. I yelled at you to stay put while I go get help. I ran to my parents and told them what had happened. My father, after reprimanding the dog, put it back securely in the cage and we drove you to the nearest hospital, which was ironically the same hospital you were having your duty in. We were thankful that the bite itself on your buttocks wasn't too deep, and you weren't bleeding so bad. After giving you your shots for tetanus and shots for rabies around the bite site which were excruciatingly painful, you were given leave to go home with going home orders for further shots in a timely schedule. After many apologies, my parents and I drove you home. I felt horrid, and the sense of almost losing you to that crazy overprotective dog, has etched itself on my memory so deep that I couldn't help but hate the dog afterward. You had a hard time resting with that throbbing pain in your backside but still you went to your duty the next day. That night I thanked God that you were still alive after that terrible incident. Next time, I made sure that the dog was locked in his cage before passing that same way especially if you were with me. Though presently that dog has moved on in the next life, I can't say that I remember him fondly since he almost literally killed the love of my life. But anyway, he has given me this memory to write about and I've learned a hard lesson: be a responsible dog-owner, never lose control over your dog no matter how large or wild he is.

Relationship Woes

68. My heart started playing tricks on me the day that I met you. But what started as a reckless foolhardy relationship has now blossomed into something real. I don’t like thinking about the rough times we’d been through but remembering them is still important because it's a reminder of what we've been through. Like those times I hurt myself or you’d walk out needlessly or that time I despaired and tried to call you but called my aunt instead by accident. She was kind enough to give me good advice. And when we had a fight and your mother calmed me over the phone as you rushed to my house. Yes, there were times I’d get so depressed that I’d feel as if I’d given myself a death sentence by staying lost with you. Highs were really high and lows were really low. What I hated the most was the calm before the storm; those moments wherein we held in our tempers then unleashed them when we were alone and out of earshot. I’m not very good at holding my ground during quarrels and I cry a lot, saying a lot of things I would regret later on. Like that stinging remark about your father that caused us to go into a big fight that I would lose ultimately. I apologized many times. Or that time wherein you insulted my friends, and placed me in a compromising position to choose either love or friendship. No decent person will ask a person to choose between  his mother or father. Our relationship cannot all be sunshine and rainbows; it would be too unrealistic. But the heart can only take so much pain before it unleashes a massive psychological myocardial infarction that will permanently wound the mind, body and soul. Hold on tight, I would tell myself, it would be over soon. There isn’t a more frightening sight than your face, contorted in anger and disappointment. You’ve told me there’s nothing more aggravating than my voice, filled with haughtiness and insensitivity. When we’ve both calmed down, then the healing could begin, but otherwise, any further action would simply worsen the situation. I sometimes wonder why it cannot be simple. Why I cannot just walk away from you or leave it be. I always reach out and pull you back to me and apologize. And you always turn around and stay. I know that you deserve something better, someone better. I will try to be that person for you. But I am only human, I have so many flaws. But I will do it and commit, do you know why? It’s because you are worth it and my heart cannot be wrong, no matter how many times you break it.

Summer Splash

67. It was a usual thing for our school to throw a summer splash event for the summer. It was an event, obviously held during the summer, allowing the different courses in our university to come together for one day for exciting activities organized by the school government, allowing us all to bond amid our hectic schedules. It was fortunate that during our first and second years we could attend because we didn't have duties yet. I personally could say that I enjoyed this first one the most because it was held at the beach. I do love the beach, and having everyone there, especially you, made it simply perfect. Though we were a bit crowded in our hut it was alright because it was such a sunny day anyway. We placed the food at the center of the hut, placed blankets outside and picnicked. We feasted on barbiques, chicken, watermelon, green mangoes and 'ginamus'. There was a band and later on, a paintball fight. For the first time, I swam together with you in the sea. Of course, conservative as we are, we kept our clothes on, though I had a swimsuit underneath, as is appropriate. Everyone did the same. The water was quite murky and salty but it was cool and the waves were just right. A group of us got into a splashing fight and boys, including you, lifted some girls, including me, on their shoulders and threw them playfully in the sea amidst terrified screams of delight. You even did somersaults and I surprised you underneath the water and tickled your legs. Though I'm not the best swimmer, I am a decent one who fancied herself a mermaid when she was a child, as all girls usually did. You were a good swimmer and you cut through the water like a dolphin, probably because you lived all your life near the sea and made a living off it. In laughter, we buried a classmate in the sand and made sand castles or holes. A friend bought a guitar and played songs with it. When we were done frolicking, we both went back to the hut. I urged you to take a nap, I even offered you a massage, which you took. As I kneaded your skin, you were so comfortable that you even dozed off. I wandered off outside the hut, to have my fortune told by a good friend who had brought her deck of cards. It was an ordinary deck, and she having been taught by her grandmother, had a talent in telling people the truth about their present relationships. She told me to cut the deck several times while concentrating about you. Then she shuffled it again then separated it by counting, parted and setting them aside, until there were only four cards left facing down. She opened them one by one. Every one of it was an ace. Everyone was shocked, including me. She smiled and laughed and I did too. She told me it was such a rarity to have pulled all four aces and in such perfect order. She told me, eyes shining, that though my relationship with you wasn't perfect, it was close to it. There was a concern about financial matters, but with regards to the heart, there was nothing more truer and stronger in all the world. You could be soul mates, she declared. I couldn't believe it, I felt a rush of cold. Really? I asked you to let me shuffle and cut them again just to be certain. And good heavens, all aces, in the same order came out again. It really boggles my mind until now. It was amazing. It was the ultimate highlight of that perfect day. I felt warm and secure and very happy as I told you about it. As we went home all tired, I couldn't stop thinking about those four aces and of you. We made it so because we chose to be happy, chose to be together in spite the odds. I daresay the magic of that was what pulled those four cards out of the deck. I don't think the result could be any different no matter how many times I cut that deck because as long as I live and breathe, I will feel for you the same thing and you as well.      

Piece of Pie

66. As our love for each other grew, so did our love for food. One time, after doing a project at a friend's house he put out a delectable pie for my groupmates to enjoy. The moment I placed a forkful of that fruit pie into my mouth, I felt like I had died and gone to a gustatory paradise. It was even better than the guapple pie I usually enjoyed. When you tried it, you love it as I did. A few days later, when we had our date I urged you buy some of the pie again, which was sold at the same high-end restaurant where we celebrated our first anniversary. As we ate together, you definitely agreed with me that it was the best-tasting pie you had ever had the pleasure to eat. The crust was just right, it was creamy and fruity yet it wasn't too sweet. In other words, it was just right. This pie won our hearts and I fondly remember the time wherein we just had the entire plate all to ourselves in leiu of a proper lunch at one of our reviews. We also bought some for our trip to Mambukal that we only ate after we got soaked in the rain upon returning home, playfully feeding each other akin to Greek gods feeding on ambrosia. I kept making a mental note to myself to eat healthier but somehow the combination of you and food is so irresistible that it weakens my resolve. Anyway, this pie made our day and will always evoke pleasant memories for us and for our tastebuds. 

Common Interests

65. As different as we are, we wouldn't get along so well without some common interests. One of them is anime. Yes, as dorky as it sounds, we do love some selected unique Japanese-made cartoons that make us laugh and occasionally make me tear up because of the fantastic plot lines. How many times have we had talks about our old favorites when we were young? Countless times. We would cuddle together on the sofa and watch those dvds together just before classes would start or after a date just before you'd go home. Perhaps if I was to be a animated character I would be CC and you would be LeLouch from Code Geass and we'd share a strange but romantic relationship. When you tell me this I'd laugh at this and agree. And in other anime you'd be another character, and I would be liking another. It became a habit of ours that every time we'd go out, we'd watch out for new animes that arrived and buy those that we liked. I find it very nice to get to know people this way because the common thread makes it much easier to understand them. Also, by escaping to a magical world where all things are possible and one has powers beyond comprehension,  is a great way to escape the stresses of this life. I think that there's  high possibility that our relationship nay friendship deepened somewhat because of this. And I'm thankful for this additional outlet as well since it gives us more reasons to be with one another in the name of good, clean fun. 

Desires and Conflicts

64. You know me as an impulsive girl when it comes to matters of the heart. I get so confused and do things that I will most likely regret later on. I really have no willpower when it comes to you. And perhaps if it wasn’t for your iron self control and my shouting conscience then perhaps my virtue would have been long gone. It really amazes me, in fact, how through the years that my desire of you has never waned. They say that great relationships do have conflicts every now and then but the fact of the matter is that they know how to work through it and not just avoid it. I am the kind that abhors conflicts but prizes that moment wherein everything is resolved and both parties have come to a compromise. Is it just my mindset as a Libran? I think not. And I think that’s why up until now, now that I’ve gotten to know you more, I still desire you. According to you, couples should not delay in solving their problems and should never just sleep on a problem. And I agree with you, which is why every time I clam up you always prod me to open up so that we could resolve our issues. I’ve always wondered though if your maturity has come, like a diamond in the rough, from your many failed relationships with women? And has my impulsiveness stem from my inexperience with men? I may not have had relationships with men save for you but I’ve had many admirers even up to now. That is why I always refer to you on what to do about them or how to respond when I detect a certain oddness, a feeling that they want more than friendship from me. Because if I don’t be open to you and risk your jealousy and wise counsel, trouble usually comes and threatens all we’ve built. And I don’t want that. No, I definitely don’t want that. Conflicts do make you older than you usually are. And I know we both are happy people. I’ve noticed as the years come and go, our conflicts become less and less. And our relationship becomes like a steady river and it’s so much easier to communicate with you. Sometimes I feel freer than I've ever been, like I've been released from a cage, without bondage. And I’m so thankful for that. I really am. 

Old Uniforms

63. Do you remember the time wherein we wore our old high school uniforms to a little classroom play for a class? It was a surprise and all classmates upon seeing us started to reminisce high school days when they saw our uniforms. I especially remember the beginning of that play since it opened with the oldie song called ‘only you’. You were in your blue polo uniform, and I was in my high school dark blue skirt with a ruffled chemise underneath and when that opening song flowed out you came behind me, pulled me ever so close and presented me with a flower. The play was about two high school sweethearts with an up and down relationship. It was fun to play and all our classmates were so happy and ‘kilig’. You were so dashing in your role. I think you were even chosen best actor in this one. As for me there were multiple quick changes. I first had my old uniform on, then casual wear then a long gown for the finale. You told me it really excited you to see me dressed in those different outfits. Especially the uniform. You told me that it was refreshing and allowed you a glimpse into the world before you met me, a completely different world that I shall never be part of again. Speaking of it, I too had a glimpse into your world, where you were like a prince that conquered everything. No wonder so many girls had crushes on you. You were quite a catch and you looked every bit of it, with the confidence to boot. Yes, I am very glad that I saw you in your uniform and you saw me in mine.

The Choice

62. Save for the little fevers and colds I get every now and then, the only major sicknesses I’ve experienced in this lifetime were chicken pox and allergies. You, on the other hand, were quite a sickly child. According to your mother, you suffered many bouts of asthma and had dengue fever not once but twice, an exceptional occurrence since there are only 4 strains of dengue in the world. I tell you that you’re very lucky since you’ve survived and developed antibodies while I have none. When we were alone once you told me that at the brink of death at your hospital bed when you were a young boy, with a platelet count of only 9, your parents frantically searching for blood, you had a dream that you laid your head on our Lord’s lap. I thought it was a disturbing dream, and I believed every word of it. You told me how He asked you gently if you wanted to come with Him or stay in our world, in other words, to live or to die. And you begged to live, and wept. He smiled at you and granted your wish. As you opened your eyes in the hospital ward, the first thing you saw was a blood bag dripping away to give life back into your veins, and hope in your parents’ eyes. They were so relieved their beloved eldest recovered. You were far too young to be spirited away. You had a life to live, dreams to fulfill, wars to win and fears to overcome and besides, you had to meet me. And I am deeply thankful to Him for letting you stay on this earth. He gave you a choice. And you were strong enough to take the tougher road. You are an extremely lucky person, you know? So many people love, adore and value you and you deserve every bit of it because I know your soul is good and true. As you grew up, He made your body and heart stronger, with a mind as cunning and sharp as a knife. It would have been different had you made a different choice in your encounter. You grew into a good man with great potential. And all I could ask for. I guess that makes me just as lucky as you. Maybe more.

Questions

61. I’ve hit a hard wall. It seems that there are a lot of things I’d like to write about but I just don’t have the drive at this point in time. I don’t understand as I search for words, I only find hollow shells of what I really want to say. So I’ll write about the little enigmas that come to me tonight. What draws human beings to one another? An invisible thread of fate that links all people one meets in a lifetime? How do you know which ones will fade as strangers and those that transcend friendship? What links me to you? Why is it that your smile lingers while others do not? Am I giving myself away too soon or not soon enough? Are you really the one I’ve been waiting for all these years or are you just the man of my reality, muddled up by my brain into this perfect individual just made for me and only me? I guess I’ll never know. I can only feel. And I know I feel strange things when I’m with you. I am not myself. Or perhaps, I become a different version of me. Sometimes I feel like I’m being gently led or coerced into a path I am hesitant to be a part of. Perhaps I will be happy simply because I am happy now. And I know I do love you. I can even imagine myself by your side leading the kind of life I’ve always imagined- happy, settled, surrounded by family and most of all, by love and laughter. I think I may be willing to take my chances with you. You are after all my one and only, my first and last, knight in shining armor who is no doubt dependable beyond measure. A beautiful creature that has the qualities I’ve long admired in a person, a person who I respect and yes, completes me in more ways than one. We’re more than compatible to say the least. Now how do I know that? How do I even begin to measure that? I can’t. There are just some things that I can’t begin to understand. They just are. And I am just me and you are just you inside this incalculable, incomprehensible scheme of things.

Birthday Surprise

60. You're full of surprises. And one of the things I adore about you is that you can keep secrets. When you combine the two, is the most exquisite kind of surprise you gave me on my birthday. Well one of them that is, that occurred during our third year. What I thought was a typical gathering of classmates at a mall to eat at a fast food restaurant turned into an impromptu birthday bash for me. As we were eating, you excused yourself to go to the men's room and one of our male friends tagged along. I was shocked when you came back and presented me a gigantic fluffy pink teddy bear, that I had to carry with both arms. And a scrumptious mocha crumble cake from red ribbon which was carried by my other friend. No one has ever gone through so much trouble for me before. My heart was so full it nearly burst out of happiness. You all sang me happy birthday and then I think I just melted for you then and there. I named that gigantic fluffy pink teddy bear cuddles and placed her on my bed and she has never left my room since, a constant reminder of you and your secret surprise. 

Sidewalk Feast

59. During highschool, I couldn't wait for my classes to be finished so I could eat the treats that street vendors were selling outside the school gates. The staples were usually halo-halo, fish balls, peanuts and tempura. Yes, the nuns would warn us not to eat those 'dirty' kinds of foods but their words fell on deaf ears. And a great number of us would spend what little pocket money we had on little guilty treats such as these. I carried this trait up until college which is why I'm not a picky eater. You even sometimes say that I'm an adventurous kind of eater. You, having more experience at food, would take me to food places like that place called 'chinggay' where they sold sisig, and other delicious but  unhealthy Pinoy food. As long as you said it was good, I would definitely eat it. Except for chicken or pork liver which I think is absolutely revolting. I prefer barbequed  chicken blood and chicken intestines. In college, not a week goes by that we don't eat at least once in that place or in other nearby sidewalk eateries or even those near your old highschool. You introduced me to various kinds of foods that I've never tried before and have added a new depth to those I know and love. Like tempura. Remember how for lack of funds we had that silly tempura date? We went to the mall just to eat cheap sidewalk food! Six paper plates of it! But gosh it was fun. Yep, I'm definitely not picky just annoying when my cravings aren't met. Probably not as healthy-minded as we should be  but a little indulgence once in awhile couldn't hurt right? Now that we're definitely a bit older, it's about time that we should be spreading our culinary tastes further to more healthier regions. I'm definitely up for it. 

Walking Alone

58. Remember the good old days when chivalry was alive and knights or gentlemen escorted women everywhere they went to win their favors? Well, it's nice to see that some guys still retain that kind of thinking, you certainly did, in the beginning at least. I remember before we became an item, how we said our goodbyes those first few days. After our farewells, I would walk on my own, a few blocks, to the spot where jeeps and tricycles frequented to pick up passengers. I didn't mind the walk as it gave me some alone time to think, but you certainly did. In fact, as I was walking, you chased me down and accompanied me saying that you couldn't bear to see a girl walking on the street alone. A miracle. Chivalry was still alive. Then we talked for awhile. You were too engrossed in what you were saying, you didn't notice me already boarding a passing tricycle. You turned and was shocked to find that you were talking to no one. Then you saw me waving and shouting at you goodbye, half laughing at you, as the tricycle drove away. I'm sorry that I left you in that state; you were probably half-mad at how stupid you looked, talking to yourself like that. I was actually surprised that you didn't notice me leaving. You were probably mentally hitting yourself for not making your predetermined little moves on me a little earlier. We always have a blast reliving this memory. I wouldn't mind having a knight walk me home every now and then.    

Disaster in the Kitchen

57. I wasn't joking when I said that I was bad in the kitchen. I mean, I'm a quick learner and everything but if you would leave me alone for even just one minute, I'd be at an absolute loss. And that is exactly what happened when you attempted to teach me how to cook golden crispy fried shrimp. Instead of going out we decided to stay in for the day, a home movie and a meal shared with my family. You brought some fresh shrimp for all to enjoy from the early morning catch from your family's business. When you explained to me how to make it, it sounded simple enough. Eggs, cornstarch, seasonings, fry. You turned your head just for a minute and suddenly half of the shrimp was lost at my hands. The problem was the mixing part of it- instead of it being coated, it turned into one disgusting blob of sticky goop. I tried to fry a tiny part of it but it tasted horrible, a little bit raw even thus inedible. I have to thank you for salvaging most of it since you're more adept than I in the kitchen. All the while you were laughing hysterically at me and blaming me jokingly.  What happened? I thought you understood my instructions? It's amazing how you turned the simplest of meals  so  inedible. I dare you to eat that. Never letting me hear the end of it. Nevertheless, lunch was served and everyone enjoyed your fried shrimp. I drank my anti-allergy and enjoyed it too, regardless of the kitchen incident. I guess I could count myself lucky for having a boyfriend who knows his way around of the kitchen and for staying blessedly silent about my little incident to my parents. I knew I had a long way to go in the cooking department. However, darling, I have to complement you on that shrimp, it was so delicious that simply writing about it is making my mouth water. Let's have some again sometime? I'll get it right this time, I promise.

Rain

56. I don't like rainy days though I appreciate the way the water cools the earth to make all things grow. Today the sky was the color gray, you held me close to you as we walked together side by side, gentle and warm. We opened up my umbrella. The raindrops become bigger and what was a slight drizzle turns into a small storm. Drops trickle from the sides of the umbrella as you let it cover me more, unmindful how the rain soaked your shirt on one side. I pushed the umbrella to the middle of us as I told you I too did not mind getting drenched and that there was room enough for both of us. We found a trisikad to drive us to campus. We huddled together and you held the umbrella in front to shelter us from the rain. Not a soul could see us and we looked into each others eyes and I knew what you had in mind. My heartbeat increased its pace as you placed a gentle kiss on my lips, kissed my hand and smiled. I love you, you whispered. And I murmured my reply. I giggled as the rain became softer and I caught some drops with my open palm. We had arrived at our school wet but enveloped with happiness, unaware of the cold. I don't like rainy days... but I love rainy days with you.  

First Anniversary

55. Do you remember our first anniversary? I remember it like it was yesterday because we made the onion ring discovery at the restaurant were we celebrated. It was a perfect date really. Went very smoothly from the moment we went inside the restaurant and the waiter found us a private little booth at the back. The food was divine, all the more so since I had you to share it with. And the presents. I bought you those exercise CDs because you commented that you wanted to exercise more and a basketball stuffed toy since you loved basketball very much. Although you didn't give me anything, it was quite alright since you were paying for everything unlike our usual dates were we usually split the bill. Afterwards we played at the arcade and started our little ticket collection and watched a movie later on. I can't believe that we actually reached one year of our relationship already. It seemed like it was just yesterday that you stole my kiss. Time does fly very fast when you're having so much fun. I really don't want to grow up to tell you the truth. But having you in my life makes me feel surer of my future and thus make me look more positively to growing up young. It's a mindset you see. I cannot be more thankful of the many firsts you gave me. And I hope that we'll have many of those firsts for the years to come. Happy anniversary. I love you x infinity x exponent infinity. 

The Fear

54. I have a lot of fears but since I know myself well, I know that they all come from this single fear that encompasses them all- the fear of being alone. Rarely, I have dreams that cause me to break in sweat in the middle of the night and awaken, finding myself in tears. I call them dreams of fears or simply put, nightmares. Losing loved ones is one of the worst dreams one can have. I once dreamed of an angel taking away my mother. I also dreamed how you stopped loving me and left me for another girl. But the most disturbing was how I dreamed of you dying and my heart broke completely. If it happened for real how would I survive? If I lost the very thing that makes my life worth living for; the gift that has made my life whole, would I be able to go on? When I posed this question to you, you said that I though would no doubt shed so many tears for you; I would be strong enough to move on, might even love another man, get married and have kids. I was that kind of person. My face fell, I felt ill. I told you that I did not think I would find anyone who could be you and make me as happy as you again. No could ever replace you. You took my hand and told me that if ever I died and you were left to live, you would be devastated and would probably go insane. This prompted me to laugh ruefully. But I'm sure you would love again too, I said. Maybe, you replied, but that would take a very long time and by the time I've recovered I've lost my looks that no woman would even look at me. You laughed it off as a joke. No, you're silly, I retorted, because there's so much more to you than just physically and if another woman would take time for a second glance, no doubt she would love you as much as I do, maybe more. But she's not you, you said. No, I replied, she's not. Can we not talk about this anymore? It's so depressing, you pleaded, I don't even want to think about losing you. But you know what?  That fear of losing you, of being alone in the world, of not seeing you ever again just makes me realize that I truly do love you more than words can say and that we're both very much attached with each other whether we like it or not. I'm just so sorry for acting so morbid at that time. 

Face to Face

53. I've noticed that I've been writing so many 'kilig' sweet moments of ours that I can't help but dedicate another section of our blog to another one of our special firsts. Our first lunch together. I especially remember this one because I acted more awkward toward you than usual. We usually ate with some of our classmates in our university's food court but for some reason I cannot remember how I ended up alone with you. Should I feel happy? Perhaps. Should I be cautious? All the more so. But my inner thinking somehow just shuts down the moment you turn your lovely eyes towards me. After we had bought our food, we looked for a place to sit. When we found an empty table, conveniently near a wall fan, I sat and you automatically sat in front of me. It just occurred to me back then how strange it was to have a boy eating so happily in front of me, talking with me animatedly as if we were close. I blushed and pushed my food around my plate. Coming from an all girls Catholic high school, I had never talked nor had lunch with a guy in front of me before. You asked me what's wrong and I whispered to you that I felt shy eating and sitting in front of you. Yes, I know I was acting weird to you but I simply could not stand having you stare at me from across the table. Do you know how damning it was for me to see you look at me so openly back then? You laughed at me since you thought I was just joking. Then I picked up my plate and came over to your side of the bench, asked you to scoot over to the left to give me space. At least this way, I told you, I won't have to see you stare at me and I won't behave so awkwardly. Sitting side by side seemed less threatening than a full face to face interaction with you, I thought. You laughed at me some more and poked at me with some more silly questions and comments. You had never seen a girl behave the way that I do, and it intrigued you somewhat. I had the impression that you thought I was so sheltered by my parents and school, which was quite accurate. The next day you sat in front of me and though I attempted to sit beside you again, you still proceeded to take the seat in front of me. Why were you doing this? You told me that there is nothing I should be shy or ashamed about around you and that sitting in front would allow us both to get to know one another better. I protested a little that we could still talk even if we were sitting side by side but you would hear none of it. As days passed, I started to get used to you and would even automatically sit opposite to you. Yes, there was still the awkwardness and the way my eyes would lower every time you'd openly stare at me for more than three seconds. But isn't this what is called flirting and making an impression? We were still far from passing the getting-to-know-you phase and easing in into the relatively short phase of friendship. Though these events transpired quickly for us, I just want you to know that I treasure every bit of them. Every gesture. Every word. Everything would eventually lead us to where we are now.   

The Haircut

52. One of the things you liked looking at a girl was her long hair. You thought it was quite beautiful and made a girl look more feminine and alluring. At the beginning, it was probably one of the things you liked about me. Aside from my personality, naivety and decent good looks that is. You have no idea how much maintenance goes into long hair and if one doesn't treat it just right, it goes all frizzy, curly, tangled and splits ends. I do agree that one of the perks of having long beautiful locks is how versatile your hairstyles could be. If my hair wasn't swept in a bun since it was required during duty or lab days in the past, my hair would be in a simple half pony tail. One day, we got into a quarrel though I don't remember what it was about and decided to take it out on my hair. I thought it was far too long and troublesome anyway. Goodbye, I told it, you'd grow back in some months anyway. The stylists scissors cut my waist- length hair into a short shoulder length, layered style. I actually had a momentary panic when I first saw it because he had cut it far shorter than I had instructed him to but I consoled myself since there was nothing I could do. The next day I wore it with pride to school. There were a lot of gasps and mixed reactions. Many liked the new do, but some preferred my long hair and told me that it was such a shame I chopped it off. Some even asked if we broke up, since there was a belief that women chopped their hair as a symbol of letting go of the hurt of a broken heart and of an ended flame. I was hoping to get a reaction from you but you were just staring at me, perhaps a little bit shocked. Then you grinned and something came into your eye. A mischievous spark. You loved my hair. You told me I looked beautiful, sophisticated and mature in a great way. I flushed and gave my thanks. When you asked if I did it because we fought, I denied it and just told you that I was planning to get this cut weeks before which was also true. Perhaps I will grow my hair out again and resist the urge to cut it.  But short hair, long hair, it just doesn't matter to you does it? You still look at me the same way, with love, pleasure and acceptance and that's the most important thing to consider when getting a haircut. 

Eating Sprees

51. Most of our favorite pastimes, in one way or the other, involve food. Frankly, I think it's one of the things, we have little trouble agreeing with. One might even say that food brings us together. This reminds me of the times we indulged in eating sprees with our classmates. One was at a pizza- all- you- can at Greenwich and a unlimited rice promo at Mang Inasal. A bunch of our classmates, including us, decided to indulge at the Greenwich promo since it only cost 99 pesos for an unlimited pizza fest of either pepperoni or hawaiian pizza. It was amazing that they didn't run out or close the establishment all together. I wondered how could they have afforded it all with all of our classmates who could down an average of 8 pizzas each? I remember how amazed we were at how much you ate! As for the unlimited rice deal, your voracious appetite let you consume 8 cups of rice while I reached my limit at 4 cups. Pretty impressive, wouldn't you say? Yet we both lost in our little contest with our barkadas as to the number of rice consumed. It was totally unhealthy indulgence at its finest. In our rice- dependent nation, I think that establishments are making a great business deal with those kinds of promos. You'd always agree with me wholeheartedly, especially when you're quite starved. Our love for  food has led me to believe that our weight gain is most probably directly related to the length of our relationship. However,  my love you will never fade no matter how much you weigh. I don't really care. I accept you body and soul and I do hope that you do as well. What I do care about, however, is how healthy we both are. After all, the more health-conscious we are, the longer our life spans and that ultimately means more beautiful days with you and more eating sprees to come.  

Fun in the Dark

50. I hate black outs don't you? Multiple groans would go sounding around our house, people would be scrambling for candles, flashlights and endure the heat and the boredom. Not to mention the children shivering, afraid of the dark and of being alone in it. It's the same thing that happens at school. Save for the few black outs that actually warrant class dismissal, black outs are quite unwelcome since they turn our classrooms into ovens. Truly not a conducive atmosphere for learning. There was one black out that I remember fondly though. Yes, I know you're thinking of it too with great fondness. After talking with you behind our laboratories, we really wanted to kiss each other but it being a public place wasn't so appropriate. We wished there would be a black out but nothing happened. Then you proceeded to take me home. As we were passing behind the libraries, everything suddenly became pitch black. And we did the only thing we were thinking of that moment. Torrid kissing. My, oh, my was it exciting kissing in the dark. Feverish as we knew we only had a few seconds to spare before the generators kick in. Then we stopped and just held each other. The lights came on. It was shockingly great timing and we couldn't stop giggling all the way home. Now every time that there's a black out I remember that moment and muse over how risky though fun it was. There are really times wherein I'm afraid that we'd let our self-control go out the window but we'd hold back just in time. It is an exquisite pleasure to have someone want you as much as you want them. 

Beard in the Way

49. I really hate your beard. It’s prickly, scratchy and makes my face red and itchy. I understand how it can make a man seem more masculine and mature but nothing beats a clean-shaven man in this girl’s eyes. Also, I have this strange urge to shave or pluck thick black stray hairs. T’was a fine day when you agreed to have me shave your beard, risking a few nicks in the process. I asked you how to do it properly because I haven’t any experience in shaving men. I had to think of sideburns and how to do the strokes properly as to not to cut you.  In front of a mirror, I started to shave you, it was a nervous moment for the both of us. Like a comedy show, you could have paired it with comical music and lots of jokes on the sides as you were evading my every stroke. Finally my work was completed. You shaved yourself once over to get any stray hairs left and washed your face clean. I placed my sweet smelling cream on you. That was the last time you tried to shave me, you declared. I agreed and complimented you for becoming even more handsome for having a clean face, prompting you to promise your best to shave for any of our future dates from now on. And you've actually succeeded at this most of the time.

The Touch

48. When you were just a little boy, you had a favorite pillow that you just couldn’t sleep without. It was so soft and smooth and sent you off to dreamland every time. Don’t we all have that favorite thing at some point? For me, it was a blanket. One time when you grabbed my arm, you were surprised how my inner arm felt exactly like that pillow. You’d stroke my arm and smile and muse over how remarkable it was. It was just like having your old pillow back. Talk about sentimental. I just laughed and considered that as a compliment. I didn’t mind at all even when you'd touch my arm at random times especially when we were sitting together. That touch is a signal of our closeness and a little private moment. It's a very welcome thing in our hectic world. 

Drinking Session

47. At the beginning of college, I can truthfully say that I don't drink. In fact, I haven't tried drinking though I was quite curious about it. My first experience in drinking was at our second year in college at a victory party for our science follies. We, our teacher and classmates, went to a place called people's village to celebrate. I warned you that I had very low tolerance for alcohol, since I don't drink it. You promised to look out for me. You, on the other hand, were no stranger to drinking and had developed a higher tolerance for it. Our class advisor treated us to a large pizza to go along with our drinks. My first taste of beer was alright though I hated the bitter aftertaste it left. After an hour or so, beers and shots of rum were floating all around. I was just finishing mine and was laughing at our teacher who was  already hit so much that he kept tossing ice cubes at my male classmates, including you. Everyone was happy and festive, drunk on victory, and I was getting a bit dizzy as the room began to move. You asked me if I was alright and I nodded yes. So, this is what it means to be tipsy, I thought. Such a strange feeling, I reached for another bottle. It was only my second. How many bottles of beer did you drink? I'm sure it was significantly more than mine. Yet as I was halfway through my second, you declared that I should stop now and that you were going to take me home already. I refused since my drink wasn't even finished yet although I confessed to feeling a tad bit ill. After getting annoyed at your prodding I agreed and bode everyone farewell. As we were walking down the sidewalk, my body suddenly felt so heavy and I felt so sleepy that I collapsed right there at the street! You gasped, swore, and helped me up and practically dragged me to a waiting taxi. In the car, I slept peacefully on your lap, half-laughing, you were so warm. You laughed and told me you weren't going to let me forget this ever. At the gate of my house, you shook me till I came to my senses and kissed me goodnight after telling me to act normally else my parents would notice that I was partially drunk. I nodded and thanked you profusely and apologized for my behavior because I should have stopped when you told me to. The first thing I did upon getting inside my house was to brush my teeth and drink a lot of water before I greeted my parents. I went straight to bed. Strangely, it was a most peaceful sleep though when I woke up I had a splitting headache.