Relationship Woes

68. My heart started playing tricks on me the day that I met you. But what started as a reckless foolhardy relationship has now blossomed into something real. I don’t like thinking about the rough times we’d been through but remembering them is still important because it's a reminder of what we've been through. Like those times I hurt myself or you’d walk out needlessly or that time I despaired and tried to call you but called my aunt instead by accident. She was kind enough to give me good advice. And when we had a fight and your mother calmed me over the phone as you rushed to my house. Yes, there were times I’d get so depressed that I’d feel as if I’d given myself a death sentence by staying lost with you. Highs were really high and lows were really low. What I hated the most was the calm before the storm; those moments wherein we held in our tempers then unleashed them when we were alone and out of earshot. I’m not very good at holding my ground during quarrels and I cry a lot, saying a lot of things I would regret later on. Like that stinging remark about your father that caused us to go into a big fight that I would lose ultimately. I apologized many times. Or that time wherein you insulted my friends, and placed me in a compromising position to choose either love or friendship. No decent person will ask a person to choose between  his mother or father. Our relationship cannot all be sunshine and rainbows; it would be too unrealistic. But the heart can only take so much pain before it unleashes a massive psychological myocardial infarction that will permanently wound the mind, body and soul. Hold on tight, I would tell myself, it would be over soon. There isn’t a more frightening sight than your face, contorted in anger and disappointment. You’ve told me there’s nothing more aggravating than my voice, filled with haughtiness and insensitivity. When we’ve both calmed down, then the healing could begin, but otherwise, any further action would simply worsen the situation. I sometimes wonder why it cannot be simple. Why I cannot just walk away from you or leave it be. I always reach out and pull you back to me and apologize. And you always turn around and stay. I know that you deserve something better, someone better. I will try to be that person for you. But I am only human, I have so many flaws. But I will do it and commit, do you know why? It’s because you are worth it and my heart cannot be wrong, no matter how many times you break it.