61. I’ve hit a hard wall. It seems that there are a lot of things I’d like to write about but I just don’t have the drive at this point in time. I don’t understand as I search for words, I only find hollow shells of what I really want to say. So I’ll write about the little enigmas that come to me tonight. What draws human beings to one another? An invisible thread of fate that links all people one meets in a lifetime? How do you know which ones will fade as strangers and those that transcend friendship? What links me to you? Why is it that your smile lingers while others do not? Am I giving myself away too soon or not soon enough? Are you really the one I’ve been waiting for all these years or are you just the man of my reality, muddled up by my brain into this perfect individual just made for me and only me? I guess I’ll never know. I can only feel. And I know I feel strange things when I’m with you. I am not myself. Or perhaps, I become a different version of me. Sometimes I feel like I’m being gently led or coerced into a path I am hesitant to be a part of. Perhaps I will be happy simply because I am happy now. And I know I do love you. I can even imagine myself by your side leading the kind of life I’ve always imagined- happy, settled, surrounded by family and most of all, by love and laughter. I think I may be willing to take my chances with you. You are after all my one and only, my first and last, knight in shining armor who is no doubt dependable beyond measure. A beautiful creature that has the qualities I’ve long admired in a person, a person who I respect and yes, completes me in more ways than one. We’re more than compatible to say the least. Now how do I know that? How do I even begin to measure that? I can’t. There are just some things that I can’t begin to understand. They just are. And I am just me and you are just you inside this incalculable, incomprehensible scheme of things.
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